There's a saying that goes: There are no dull stories, only dull writers - I think this is a variation on the great Oscar Wilde's witticism: There is no such thing as a moral or immoral book.  Books are well written, or badly written.  That is all.  So whether I'm recounting my veg out session in front of the TV watching yet another paternity test on the Maury Provich show (oh please stop these shows!), or meet a leprechaun, I will endeavour to make my entries as suspense ridden and thrilling as possible and peppered with movie/tv references as I am a huge entertainment buff. But, I must admit there will be days where like George from Seinfeld: I have nothing to say.

Who here has a basement? Are you scared of your basement? A few months ago our basement flooded because some pump outside had to be turned on and was not.  It was such a murky swamp down there, and a lot of Jan's stuff was totalled.  Thankfully I didn't store anything down there.  The carpet had to be taken out, and it was taken out pretty late, so that 70s shag really started to stink out the whole house.  Once the carpet was gone, the basement, with its cracked cement floor started to really resemble those basements you see in horror movies where you see shackles chained to the wall and there were probably  bodies buried under there.  Well, I avoided the basement from then on, stepping far away from it on the way to the laundry.  At night, I imagined that something had unshackled itself from the wall and was scrambling up the stairs with long, straggly black hair (just like Sadako in Ring or that ghost in The Grudge).  But yesterday I had to go down there and clear some shelves that had to be taken out and replaced.  Luckily, it was in the day! Jan is a pack rat and keeps everything.  There were so many computer program boxes that I had the urge to put in recycling, and bits and pieces.  As my hand reached into the gloom of the shelf, my finger was *snapped*! Sadako had finally gotten me with her teeth.  It turned out to be a set mouse trap (Thanx Jan, I will kill you later).

Well, my tummy protests with many grumblings, but before I leave, I will leave you with a deep and meaningful question to ponder: What do you want Santa to bring you this year?

Listening to:  Gwen Stefani - Love Angel Music Baby

Special shoutouts to:  Dan - Thanx muchly for helping me design this purdy blog!

Almost 1am...*yawns*...I used to be able to stay up till 4am, now I can barely make it to 1am.  Geez, I feel old and tired.  Spent the night with friends.  After a lot of pizza, we settled down to watch that gorgeous movie: Simon Birch.  I've seen it 3 times now, and it's still magical and touching.  It's about a tiny boy with huge faith. I recommend everyone see it! We were going to watch The Fisher King too, but didn't quite get around to that.  Jan had already passed out before Simon Birch ended, and was snoring on the couch.

I am dying to see  Phantom of the Opera  coming out Dec 26.  It's based on the musical with Andrew Lloyd Webber's input.  I'd love to see the musical again.  Watching the amazing trailer, the movie looks like it stays true to the musical, and the sets and design are so opulent.  Anyway, I'm all ready to book gold class tickets.  Jan and I got tickets from my sister, Vanessa and her boyfriend Tamir last christmas and we haven't even used them yet.  We rarely go the cinema these days.  It's so expensive.  Even renting DVDs cost me $4.30 per DVD, but at least that stops me from impulsively buying DVDs I haven't even seen yet.  So $4.30 is a better price than $30 to try the movie out.  I rented four DVDs the other day - Elf, Mean Girls, Taking Lives and Gothika.  Elf was ok - Will Ferrel is funny though.  Mean Girls was an excellent, clever movie.  I love the whole comparison of the teenagers to wild animals.  And you gotta love all the tags they gave to each group like 'The Plastics'.  I remember not long ago Lindsay Lohan was so small and cute.  She is in that great remake of Disney's The Parent Trap.  Now she's much older and singing about rumours, but she's very pretty.  When I think back to school, I don't particularly remember any mean girls.  But I think I was a mean girl.  In primary school, my best friend and I used to pretend we were twins and go around bullying the younger kids (some people can't tell asians apart).  It was nothing major really.  I think we had a particular pose that just scared the kids away, well, maybe throw in a little threatening...ok, I've said enough.  I was a good little girl, truly. 

Time to give my anime some attention.  Watch a little Astroboy or Last Exile before these eyelids really start drooping...

Special shoutouts to: 

Mel - Things will be OK, jub jub!

Albie the retarded turtle - Hope you are being treated lovingly. 

Listening to: Rumours - Lindsay Lohan

p.s check out my own personal tribute to Phantom of the Opera  here

When you're feeling lost or just plain stuck...Thank God Almighty for   Game FAQs! What a lifesaver in Paper Mario 2 land! hehe...I have four crystal stars now, three more to go! The last land I encountered was the haunted and spooky land of Twilight Town where the shadowy citizens were being turned into piggys every time the bell in the creepy steeple tolled.  It was a very short chapter, but quite enjoyable.  Lots of ghosts, lots of bats and hammer fun! Mario has the best moves.  Every once in a while, you will encounter these black chests, and when you unknowingly open them, out pops a maddened being who curses you with powers - you can turn into a paper plane to fly around, go thin as paper to get through bars and best of all: become a cardboard tube and go rollin' - usually under doors and hard to otherwise reach places.  Wouldn't you love those kind of powers huh? Forget the sticky webs of Spiderman, and the many toys Batman has...what you wouldn't give to turn into a cardboard tube and go rollin' around the world?! JOY! That Mario is one flexible, cool dude!  OK clearly I've been playing too much of this game as you can see...but I am determined to finish this one.  I have way too many unfinished games.  Gotta focus and get the rest of those stars.  Will not let my mind wander to other games until I have finished this one!

Tonight I went to my fave japanese restaurant - Sakura with my friend, Matt.  We ordered lots of yummy entrees like gyoza, spring rolls, tatsuta age (my favourite - fried chicken!), pork cutlets, tempura, teriyaki beef and later...green tea icecream! Quite a feast eh, Matty? It will only take you less than 45secs to register and leave me a comment! Es wants one! If you believe in her happiness, you will do so...;)

Listening to:  Silence and my printer spitting out wads of paper, and in the distance, could that be Jan, still snoring?!

Special shoutouts to:  The weird cyborg boy.  Stop playing with your toys, and BE HAPPY! life's too short...

The choice retail question is: 'what's it like outside?' I get asked this all the time by store associates, cocooned in air conditioning and stuck behind their counters.  I know how it feels.  I used to work at Borders, and I hated to be behind the counter because you could never leave it.  So, when times were slow, with barely any customers, you would prowl the space behind the counter - back and forth, back and forth, like a caged animal, just wanting out and wondering what it was like outside.

I only needed to drop off a resume to Dymocks, get listerine and garbage bags, but as I wandered aimlessly through David Jones, I found quite a few cool christmas presents, so I loaded up there.  In the beauty section I found these gorgeous cake boxes that were either bakery stores or restaurants and housed inside of them were body scrubs of chocolate or meringue icing, bakery foods.  These products were good enough to eat! But as I smelled the testers, I thought, I don't want to smell like a piece of chocolate, covered in treacle or a piece of cake.  They smelled so sickly sweet.  Fantastic packaging though...I admit, I am a sucker for it.  I did end up buying two products from the range though as christmas presents...they were rose body butters that smelled heavenly and yes, like roses :) 

When I was in the 'Home' shop, this lady was trying to find a present for someone.  She found this artsy set of six coffee cups and remarked to her friend that it would be great for someone who loved drinking coffee.  But then she changed her mind and said 'but she always gets me bloody unimaginative presents, so I'm not getting that for her! Let me find something that's unimaginative too.' That's pretty sad.  Do people judge what others give them, and give according to what they received or didn't receive? Do we only give to those who will give us presents? I know I've given plenty of christmas presents not expecting anything in return, and I pride myself on getting good christmas presents.  I don't want to waste my money on 'unimaginative' presents.

I'm at my mum's place.  It's pretty boring here.  My auntie's sleeping, Fiona's sleeping, Jia Pien, my cousin, is on his computer, so I thought I might do a blog ;) But the reason I've been here a few hours is cuz Mum's cooking her famous roast pork!  I'm not a pork person, but I love Mum's roast pork especially the crunchy, crackly skin! I've barely eaten all day...I think I had a slice of coon cheese, milo, and two bananas and the coffee lolly that mum practically stuffed into my mouth.  I thought it was a durian lolly at first.

The last thing I will say is...my mother-in-law is coming in 9 days for an entire month and staying with us.  I will not get stressed out, instead I will think of her one condition staying with us: that she will cook for us everyday! (I'm very hungry).  I will be hitting the gym twice as often, because no doubt, I'll be fattened enough for slaughter.

Listening to:  The wind...I hope there is a storm!

Special shoutouts to:  my fave couple: Dave and Sarah :) Luv you guys! :D I still wanna mash you together... 

Despite the creakings on the roof and the possiblity of possums coming once again to haunt my existence, I did get some sleep last night and woke bright...no, dull and early with the determination that I was going, yes indeedy, to finish christmas shopping at Chaddy!

The mission started positive enough, a good park, lots of ideas, followed by lots of hefty purchases and endless back and forths to the carboot.  That excitement dwindled to desperation when it came down to my sister, Vanessa.  I trudged around for five hours looking for a present, getting quite warm...at least I was sprayed with Chanel no. 5, followed by Britney Spear's Curious perfume to hide any onset of body odour.  Body odour is especially bad during Christmas time so said one of the Myer shop assistants who was helping me decide on a purchase.  She said the worst was waiting around the perfumes and having someone reach up to the top shelf, baring their odours.  It's probably all the stress from trying to find the perfect present for the right person.  Luckily, I had the patience of a friend who helped me decide on something in the end.  I don't know if Vanessa will like it, but at least I like it! If she doesn't want it, I'll have it hehe...Do you ever buy something for someone that subconsciously is for yourself? I think I might have done that with Jan's present...hehe...Maybe that's why we buy things for people that we like ourselves ;)

Well, I've finished the shopping...now comes the wrapping and becoming all sticky with tape...

Yesterday was a fun time with my friends.  We watched two of my favourite movies (that they had been deprived of)  Willow and Biloxi Blues.  I've seen both, particularly the latter so many times now and never tire of them.  I recommend Biloxi Blues for its funny and witty writing as well as Christopher Walken's excellent portrayal of an eccentric officer.

I so want a Nintendo DS! It won't be out here until March next year.  I've been getting into PC games lately.  I got Age of Mythology and Sid Meier's Pirates! - There's nothing like wooing governors' daughters, even if you're a girl haha 

Special shoutouts to: That handsome libran who helped me shop! You looked terrific too, especially when modelling those girly t-shirts ;) 

Listening to: my jiggy playlist :D

I really hate these muggy, overcast days.  It's like having grey cottonwool in my head.  Last night I finally got around to watching Gothika.  It wasn't that scary and the story was a little predictable but some nice atmosphere and cool special effects.  I think the ending song: Behind Blue Eyes in the credits left more of an impression on me.  I know, it's an old song, but I love it and the video clip isn't bad either.

But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

I also watched Taking Lives today which was alright.  Angelina Jolie is so beautiful and yes, she did get naked again in this movie, mel! And there's something about Ethan Hawke that is hot too...:D

Best get to sorting out this swamp of christmas presents surrounding me.  I need stickier sticky tape.

Mythology states that sleep is the mysterious process in which the physical body is immobilised so that the soul may adventure freely.  The god Hypnos causes sleep by touching your eyelids or fanning you hypnotically with his dark wings.  Hypnos' three sons: Morpheus, Phoebetor and Phantasus house the sleeper's mind and entertain, warn or punish the sleeper with dreams. 

I had the weirdest dream and I only remember it because my mum called so early in the morning and woke me up so abruptly.  I was on a bus to some magical pink and purple city.  The busdriver kept on making all these stops and when we finally reached our destination he wouldn't let us off the bus until we discussed our music playlists with him.  I was listening to my ipod and I had a huge playlist.  I had to listen to one of my songs, and then to one of his.  This took several hours.  At the end, he gave me feedback and wrote an entire analysis about my song choice including many *shock horror* grammar mistakes! And I was like: 'Hey, if I'd known there'd be some kind of test on my playlist, I would have better prepared myself.' Now what's that supposed to mean? Is this latent activity from school? Am I being warned of some disaster with my grammar or song choice? Morpheus, Phoebetor and Phantasus were just screwing with me last night.  Bring back the Robbie Williams dreams, I *liked* those.

Listening to: Dragon Days - Alicia Keys

Media of the Day: Schindler's list - 'Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.'

Survivor is over.  I'm glad that Chris won, and not Twila.  He really deserved to win, being the only guy left.  This Survivor wasn't as exciting as other Survivors I've seen.  I miss Rupert and even that conniving Boston Rob haha...There wasn't much drama in this Survivor, but the jury part was quite entertaining and emotional.  Worth watching just to hear Eliza's little speech, calling both Chris and Twila deceitful bitches! And I couldn't help getting excited when Jeff took a sky dive and brought the jury votes back to be announced.  The next Survivor is in Palau and all the contestants have already been picked!

I know I said I finished christmas shopping, but I had to buy a few more presents, particularly when I found out that I spent more on my mother in law's present than my own mum's present - oooh, that's not right! I have two friends who have birthdays very close to christmas.  One gets combined birthday/christmas presents (how sad) from people.  The other still gets separate birthday and christmas presents.  Imagine, double the presents! Each year I seem to have a theme with christmas presents.  This year it's all about body butters.  Today I bought one of my friends a set of mini butters by MOR brand: fig & olive, pomegranate, persian peach and almond husk.  They all smell divine.  Makes me want them for myself hehe...Should I be writing about her present here, you ask? Well, she isn't even connected to the internet, and is the only person I know who doesn't have an email address.  Computers scare her.  Poor girl. 

Three more days until my mother-in-law is in Australia...   

Now, for something totally gross...I'm warning you now...

I read in the NW magazine about this japanese cannibal:  Issei Sagawa.  He had a thing for large, white women, so when he met this german girl, he wanted to eat her.  He became friends with her, then killed her, had sex with her dead body, cut her into pieces and ate some pieces raw like sashimi, and fried others.  He put the rest of the pieces in a suitcase and was going to dump them into a pond, but was caught.  He was put into a mental asylum and later released thanks to his rich father's connections.  Sagawa has since written novels (one about his cannibalistic activity), comics and been on TV.  He's a celebrity in Japan.  His one desire now is to be eaten by a tall, western woman so he can be absolved of his crime.

That was a nice little tidbit of information huh? I'll let you ruminate on that one.

Listening to: Smell of Desire - Enigma

Media of the Day: 

George: 'I don't want hope.  Hope is killing me.  My dream is to become hopeless.  When you're hopeless you don't care.  And when you don't care that indifference makes you attractive. 

Jerry: So hopelessness is the key?

George: It's my only hope.

The Fix-Up - Seinfeld

My mother-in-law's room is ready: complete with doily and african violets in a pot thanks to my mum who seems more worried about whether the room will be ok for my mother-in-law than I am. She kept on pointing out where I'd missed spots with my dusting. I even had to clean the power point. But mum helped me a lot, including beating the shit out of the dusty old futon that's been lying a sad life in this room I just cleaned up. It got to see the sun today. It gets to stay in its room though, unlike my big dog that got kicked out and has to live in my storeroom which got a bit of a makeover - enough so that I can actually walk around there.

I watched the MTV channel today and 'The Assitant' was on. For anyone who doesn't know this show, it's all about these poor saps trying to make it as Andy Dick's assistant and gain a 'Hollywood' position. Who would want to work for that guy? I admit, he is funny...but he's a freak. The potential assitants are put through mental torture. Today they were told by one of Andy's assitants that it was Andy's birthday, so they had to throw him a surprise birthday party that night. While the assitants went about this covert operation, Andy stormed about the house whinging about how bad a day he was having. He promptly locked himself in a closet and had to be coaxed to come out. The party was a failure, mainly because it wasn't even Andy Dick's birthday (his assitant got it wrong: It was Andy Garcia's birthday), and the assitants had not only invited his girlfriend, but his ex too, who threw water all over him. Andy was so mad, that he called all the assitants and eliminated two of them at 'tribal council'. They had torches, like Survivor, and Andy used that snuffer that Jeff uses, but that caught on fire as well as the hedges nearby. Andy said: It was a fiery wall of hell and damnation. My silly TV watching didn't end there...Whilst I stuffed myself too much with watermelon, I decided to watch 'Scary Movie 3' on Foxtel Box Office, but didn't finish it.

I had a better day yesterday with friends at Sarah's BBQ and I got some christmas presents too! I felt so spoilt...Love all you guys!!

Special shoutouts to:

Sarah: Thanx for the ace bbq...I loved the snags, but would've loved some mash as well ;)

Dave: You're a man on fire (or reindeer ears), keep on going with your 2nd novel...that's the way it's done! It would be good if you could give me a bit of mash too.

Mel: I'd love a sister like you, even if you do corrupt the innocent - like Albie and finger puppet fairy. You can ride in my car with co-pilot anytime ;)

Scott:  I just love ya, ewok, particularly your swirl. Keep on sleeping that way. Mixed kids are the best :D

Media of the day: 'The Assistant'

Potential Assitant: You look good.

Andy Dick: I don't look good. I look like ass twice run over.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah, oh

Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

- Nobody's Home -  Avril Lavigne

My holidays have officially ended...at least until after my mother-in-law leaves on January 15 and I can enjoy three weeks of peace and general laziness before tafe starts again.  Believe me, I'm looking forward to it. 

My mother-in-law arrived on Friday, in the afternoon.  She was in good spirits, in a good mood, but the perpetual drama queen.  You don't know how many times I heard 'It's a miracle I'm here'.  When she found out we didn't have a christmas tree, we went out to look for one.  I brought her to the Glen, and then to David Jones where the service was the best and most patient.  No way was I shopping in Target, where the trees were probably cheaper, but the customer service wouldn't be able to deal with her.  We found a tree, I picked some decorations.  It cost about $800 altogether! We had a line of people waiting behind us while the store associate carefully wrapped up each individual piece of decoration under the approving eye of my mother-in-law.  After that, we had some dinner and then proceeded to Coles where I manouvered a heavily laden trolley up and down aisles for about 2 hours.  We shopped for a total of 5 hours.  Got back home around 10pm.  I was majorly stuffed.

These days I feel like a servant, whether it's carting around her shopping or waiting upon her in the kitchen as she cooks.  I've barely had time for myself to do my own thing :( If we're not shopping or cooking, she's badmouthing my father-in-law (they got divorced more than 20 years ago, but she still hasn't forgiven him).  In order to steer clear of this frightful topic, I have found her two passions are: religion and food.  So, we talk about them a lot.  She's also like cable, and repeats her show every so often.  Her stories are making its third round.

Our christmas tree looks gorgeous though.  We, that is: me, Jan and my mother-in-law put it up today.  We have white lights, and blue, silver and gold decorations.  Each piece comes in a pair.  My favourite decoration is two glass birds with silver, curly tails.

Tomorrow is another shopping day which includes: a mat for the christmas tree (so the presents have something to rest on, cuz God forbid, the carpet is not good enough for them), lots of baking ingredients (yes, my mother-in-law is baking up a storm, you are all invited), a new kettle (cuz ours is a little rusted, and that simply won't do for my mother-in-law) and a box of disposable gloves, so my mother-in-law can keep her hands in tip top shape when she cooks.  We were also going to go somewhere to get Poinsettas, but my mum came over tonight, and I gave her that task of bringing my mother-in-law out and finding these red plants, that are supposed to be some christmasy thing.

I am looking forward to some european food which starts tomorrow night.  The past two nights it has been bland thai food.  I cook asian better than my mother-in-law.  At least I marinate my meat. 

Anyway, I see your head nodding...I'll leave 'Tales of a Mother-in-Law' here for tonight.  I know it sounds a little bland, but you should be here for the dramas, then you can take over as servant of the day.  Come back tomorrow and I will regale you with more tales.

a possessive lover

he won't let me go

he holds me prisoner

under wooden crosses

pine scented beams

and silken sheets

ties my hands with cords

wrapped like snakes

forked tongued tassles licking at my ankles

the drop too far down

entangled in his embrace

he reminds me

of the failures of my life

held in this comfortable sanctuary

i gaze out at the window

the sky is blue

but inside it hurts too much to leave

the safety of his arms

Today I plan to run rampant, or just slouch on the couch and r-e-l-a-x.  My mum has got my mother-in-law -  or as I call her 'mama' -  for the day, so she can take her out for as long as she wants and even longer :)

I finally got around to wrapping all the presents. They're under the tree, looking purdy.  All that careful wrapping, the precise placing of sticky tape, that ordered package with its bright colours will be all in mass shreds when they are opened, especially when my sisters get to theirs.  That's why I don't spend money on fancy ribbons or wrapping paper for that matter.  Reject shop paper will do just fine for this mass destruction.  And it's a good tip, cuz Reject shop has a lot of  nice wrapping paper and cards too for a cheap price.

Last night we had veau a la creme (veal in cream sauce), but we had to substitute the veal for pork as it is not available in the shops right now.  Mama said you can't taste the difference.  You can.  Still, it wasn't bad.  Better than having her asian food.  In our 4 hour shopping expedition yesterday, mama bought two huge bottles of fish sauce.  It's an essential ingredient for thai food, and mama makes some sauce out of it.   Mama is pleased I use so much.  'I'm glad you like it,' she says.  Little does she know, I more need it than like it.  Those bland asian dishes need that sauce so bad.  My tastebuds are screaming for something tasty.  Come to think of it, that pork tasted bland too.  Argh, maybe my tastebuds have gone on strike.

Tonight, it's fondue...then off to visit my two favourite girls :)

Until next time, I will leave you with the wisdom of Ernie to ponder:

So if I should visit the moon

Well I’ll dance on a moonbeam and then

I will make a wish on a star

And wish I was home once again

Though I’d like to look down on the earth from above

I would miss all the places and people I love

So although I may go I’ll be coming home soon

Cause I don’t want to live on the moon

No I don’t want to live on the moon

Special shoutouts to: Wendy, the goddess of sweet treats! Happy Birthday! Where's my cookies?

Media of the day:  

"Having the keys to Jerry's apartment - that kept me in a fantasy world. Every time I went over to his house it was like a vacation: better food, better view, better TV, cleaner, oh, *much* cleaner. That became my reality. I ignored the squalor in my own life because I'm looking at life, you see, through Jerry's eyes. I was living in the twilight, living in the shadows, living in the darkness... like you."

"Me?!"

"Oh, I can barely see you, George."

"Stop it Kramer, you're freakin' me out."

- Kramer and George, in "The Keys" - Seinfeld

So this is christmas and what have you done? Another year over, a new one begun...I'll tell you what I've been doing, dealing with mama.  She is becoming increasingly grumpy.  The one thing I can't stand is when people do something, and then complain about it later.  I would rather you not do it at all.  Mama's been complaining that since she's been here, all she's seen is the kitchen and shopping centres, but that's all she's wanted to do - cook and go shopping.  I've asked her to go places, and she's too tired.  I still wait on her hand and foot.  The other night, we had dinner at almost 10pm.  I was so hungry, you should've seen me! I'd open the cupboard when she asked me to get her something, and I'd leave the door open, and behind that, I'd nibble on a biscuit.  When she turned around, I'd grab a piece of cheese and stuff that in my mouth to the tune of: 'Good cooking takes time.'  Well, she'd been cooking since 2pm...eight hours of basically chopping a few ingredients.  If we didn't help her, she'd be there past midnight, still cooking.  It was hunger talking when I asked: 'So, when you cook, mama, do you always have so many people helping you?' because she had three helpers that night: Jan, Jia Pien (my cousin, who poor thing had just come to visit, but mama set him to work), and me.  That's when the selective hearing kicked in and she didn't seem to hear and didn't answer.  Jan says she's used to a host of servants helping her in Thailand at my brother and sister-in-law's place.  Anyway, I dread hearing my name because she is sure to ask me to do something.  I don't get a decent break until she's in bed.  Even when I told her I was feeling sick and *dizzy* which I was, she dismissed that and still got me to do things.

Last night we had dinner a lot earlier because I cooked.  I cooked my fried chicken which Jan likes to call EFC (Esther Fried Chicken).  Everyone loves my fried chicken.  Jia Pien couldn't stop eating it, even going into Jan's share.  Then, mama slaved away on making pie crust for two apple pies she's bringing to my mum's christmas lunch/dinner.  I could hear her sighing away.  There was the sweet, sweet sounds of silence before.  'I enjoy it,' she says, 'but it takes a lot of time'.  She was in the kitchen until almost midnight cooking apples while Jia Pien and I watched The Frighteners.

I reckon she didn't appreciate our laughter.

Then there are the presents which she laboured away wrapping all yesterday, so much so that she didn't even get to take a shower she was so busy! When she had finished, she told me to be 'Santa's assitant' and place them under the tree for her, basically showing off: Look at all the presents I have gotten you guys.  You should be on your knees to me.  When Jia Pien came over, she changed her mind and said: 'Why don't we get Jia Pien to put them under the tree?'  Translation: Jia Pien, look at all the presents I've gotten you guys, including you...Boy, you better have got me something too! (I don't think Jia Pien got her anything)

As the days roll by, mama's sweetness is turning sour.  She bitches more and more about my father-in- law, EVERYTHING is his fault.  She clearly has not forgiven him.  If you are still bitching about someone, you have not forgiven that person.  Her way is to give the forgiveness to God and get Him to deal with it.

Anyway, Tales of the Mother-in-Law is taking a horrible turn.  We will still try and enjoy Christmas.  Just be glad you don't have her staying with you ;)

*Merry Christmas! Have a Blessed One.*

It is dangerous to be alone...your life could be in jeopardy, or you could just plummet into the depths of insanity especially when you have my mother-in-law lurking around - just waiting for the right moment...when you are alone and defenceless - munching away on a piece of butter cake she made (that needs more sugar) to trap you in that position. Yes, right there on that high chair. As you sit there, innocently, she launches into another badmouthing rerun starring your father-in-law. I got away after about 3 hours with the lame excuse that I needed to go to the toilet. She was still screaming there, her shadow was leaping in the waning light. It was all very, very scary.

I think I'm losing weight, not just because I've been shopping so much with her and for her, but also because I've been staying out of the kitchen because THAT has become her lair. I have become a mouse, sniffing for the scent of danger, creeping around. Oh, it hasn't always been like this. There was a period of 2-3 days she was incredibly sweet and nice, and I actually didn't mind being around her, but that only lasted so long like a lull before the storm. Things are always quiet before a storm.

I hope you all had a wonderful christmas. I certainly did. The early morning light glinted on the carnage of wrapping paper, but I'm happy that everyone liked their present from me, even if I couldn't keep a track of everyone opening their presents. The night before I tried to devise ways of making this moment a lot slower, like being able to focus on the one person opening their present, but it never happens.  I developed such a headache trying to focus on about eight people at the one time.

My presents included: a DKNY watch (it came just as my old watch fell apart), not one, but two Silent Hill 4 games (I had to return one), two Britney Spears 'My Perogative' DVDs (Jan has to return one..and he had a list!), Final Fantasy I & II for GBA, Pikmin 2, a shimmery pink and yellow top that I could see Britney Spears wearing...but I don't know about me..., The Simpsons Season 4, and Friends Season 10, and cool boxes to house my Trigun and GTO anime series (thanx Matt! I have lots more series that need housing ;).  I bought my own christmas presents later on...CSI Season 1 & 2.

Lunch and dinner was at my parents' place.  We had a massive BBQ.  If I see anymore turkey, I will be sick.  Anyway, it was a hearty meal even if I mostly ate my sister, Vanessa's potatoes which is her signature dish.  It was nice being with my family and extended family, that is, my two gorgeous cousins (monkey boy and marshmallow boy from funny land) and my sisters' boyfriends.

After a hopeless game of Pictionary where Jan and I lost badly because we barely got a turn, and Jan's lazy drawings (he usually can draw quite well!), we visited some christmas houses.  There's an amazing one in Vermont South, a huge corner house that is full of Santa doing every possible thing Santa can do.  There's even a Santa village and workshop.

Last night, Jan and I saw The Incredibles in Gold Class with our friends.  In the end, you pay for those recliners more than anything else.  It was quite annoying and distracting to have people come out at all different times with trays of food and drink.  I know you can order food and drink to come out at any time, but why would you want it in the middle of the movie? Do you work up an appetite while you watch?

Anyway, The Incredibles was a pretty good movie.  Fun and brainless with some good animation and action.  I loved the fashion designer.  She was a crack up! 

2005 is fast approaching.  It feels like a space age from a science fiction movie somewhere far into the future, but it's just around the corner...!  Shouldn't we have flying cars by now? *shrugs*

Have a Happy New Year!

First day of 2005 started with a *bang* - my back getting shot from overwork and overstress from my in-law taskmaster.  I plonked myself on the couch and was more mobile with Paper Mario...Yes, one more crystal star to go! I will finish this game, yet! I also ate two creme caramels, yummy leftovers from New Years' Eve.  My tummy is still stuck in 2004.  It hasn't realised 'start dieting' 2005 yet.

New Years' Eve was spent with our friends and of course, my mother-in-law at Sakata's Teppanyaki.  We didn't get the entertaining chef that I'd hoped we'd get.  Instead, we got a chef who called the fun of teppanyaki - the subsequent throwing and catching of food in one's mouth - 'exercising'.  Sportsman Mark surprised us all by not being able to catch the piece of fried egg.  Michael and Gina must have been practising, cuz they caught their pieces of egg with ease like trained seals.  Next, was Mama who, when the piece of egg was flung at her, chose to duck and cover.  Jan couldn't catch the egg and neither could Leon and Ann.  I managed to catch my egg...but in my eye.  We were more successful catching our rice bowls although Jan got half his rice all over his nice shirt -  no wonder he was hungry later on.  As soon as we were finished, we were rushed to another table for tea and coffee.  The manager asked us if he could get anyone a good looking man.  I put my hand up.  Then, he asked if anyone wanted a pretty girl.  I put my hand up again.  OK...I was just trying to be funny.

Back at our place we readied ourselves for desserts of creme caramel and rich chocolate cake that Mama insisted on showing everyone before anyone could even touch it.  We all had to gather around the table for the unveiling of the cake.  There went my idea of the traditional 'letting the guests sit and bring them the cake' deal.  Mama wanted to make a show of the champagne she had bought too, but that was popped open in the kitchen with little audience.  We all had heaps of fun though, especially playing 'Taboo'.  Mark and his big creatures and pastries from Springvale.

Jan and I went to the city today.  Mama was supposed to come, but she came up with a lame excuse that she was cold and 'couldn't take a chance' of getting sick.  I've learned that she is a constant hypochondriac who lives her life indoors.  She's barely seen the sun since she's been here.  But, it was good having a break from her anyways.  We lunched at a gourmet italian restaurant in Southgate.  Gourmet alright.  My small $15 plate of Quattro Formaggi risotto swam with hard rice and was pitifully small as was the nougat-filled crepes with belgian chocolate sauce.  This turned out to be two tiny crepes with the slightest drizzle of chocolate sauce and four halved strawberries.  At $11, I think we must have paid $1 a strawberry and $3.50 for those crepes. Ah well, you live and you learn not to go to another restaurant that professes: Tutto Bene or 'Everything Good'.  It should have been called : Tutto Piccolo or 'Everything Small'.

We wandered the Southgate market and Federation Square where Jan was hypnotised by experimental movies in the Screen Gallery at the Moving Images place.  I did some japanese shopping.  Jan bought me a thriller of a book called Out by Natsuo Kirino at Reader's Feast and I bought Akira Kurosawa's Hidden Fortress on DVD.  For all those Star Wars buffs who think Star Wars is so original, check out Hidden Fortress to see where George Lucas stole his plot from.  I have been a Kurosawa fan ever since I discovered (thanx Cemil) Seven Samurai - a movie everyone should watch.

My tummy is hurtin'...whether it's from that hard risotto or cuz it's hungry...I better get some food.

Special shoutouts to:  Matt - your hair looks good, but mine looks better eh, Roland? ;) *whispers* Roland thinks Seinfeld isn't funny and Spiderman 2 is crap...He's cra-zee!

Listening to: These Kids - Joel Turner

Outside it's pouring

The old lady's snoring

She couldn't get out of bed for shopping today

Another sickness on the way

Her eye is bloodshot

She must stay in the gloom

No light must penetrate that stuffy room

I should have stayed in bed

With all those weird dreams tugging away at my head

Listening to the rain

And feeling slightly

Insane

This day of freedom

What does one do?

Work on my fiery novel

Or just watch an anime or two?

Play a game or read some books

How about writing silly poems like this

While time runs on

And my freedom is all but gone

Whatever I do

I'm sure it'll be fun

She's not around for now

That's good

For Everyone

Mama is really wearing out her stay.  I can't wait until she leaves next Friday night.  Living with her and having to put up with her crap day in day out is getting me down.  I have completely sacrificed my holidays to keep her happy, and today she complained about me to my face.  She basically said that I 'run away' when she's cooking and said I wasn't interested in cooking and she thought I wanted to learn.  For starters, the only dishes she's really cooked are veal with cream sauce (which I know how to cook better than her now!), omelette with spring onions and creme caramel.  These few dishes that she's cooked, I have been there, helping her and waiting on her hand and foot.  So, I told her this, and she said 'Well, maybe I'm wrong' and then she said, 'I'm trying my best.' And I replied, 'I'm trying my best too.'

Last night I wasn't in the kitchen with her, but she only cooked spaghetti bolognese and I already know how to cook that, and unlike her, I don't take 6 hours to do it.  That's the thing, she cooks the easiest things, and it takes her an average of 6 hours to do it.  Mama's cooking is way overrated.  I will say with absolute certainty that I'm a better cook than she is and I am happy to do the rest of the cooking while she's here (and I have cooked a number of times already and it took me less than 2 hours to cook something more elaborate, and far more tasty), just to shut her up so she doesn't complain anymore.  I keep on telling her, if you don't want to cook, don't do it, but she says she enjoys it, but it takes a lot of time.  Sorry lady, I don't have the time to hang around and watch you chop onions and garlic for at least 3 hours and listen to you bitch about people.    She even told me last time that she held a little class to teach people how to cook.  One girl left saying that she wasn't learning anything.  I'm not surprised.

We went shopping for another four hours today.  The trolley was so packed I wasn't able to buy any of the things I wanted to get.  When we go shopping it's for her, and nobody else.  She made me feel guilty going into a bookshop by her sarcastic comment: 'I have all the time in the world' - NOT.

You know, she was really nice at the start, but as time went on, that sweetness has soured into her true, self-centred nature.  All she cares about is herself, and cares doubly about people repaying her in some extravagant way for her 'kindnesses'.

Sorry I'm bitching so much about my mother in law.  This is what consumes my days after all.  When she leaves, you'll have happier thoughts ;) I'll write something better...soon...

From the 'Dullest Blog in the World':

Walking past the ironing board

I left the room and walked past the ironing board which I had left up in order to do some ironing.  When I came back into the room I walked past the ironing board once again.

Not saying anything

I was at a meeting and became aware that I had nothing of interest to add to the discussion. So I said nothing, and the discussion continued.

I came across these entries while doing a 'blog' search.  Aside from these entries being intentionally dull, what makes these blogs and ultimately, writing, dull? It's daily minutia devoid of any thoughts and details.  When I read that ironing board entry, I just wanna include a hungry iron that tries to eat the author.  But that's just me and my overactive imagination.  How would you make these entries interesting? 

If there is one movie that you should see, see Drop Dead Fred.  It will make you laugh and cry and remind you of being a kid.  Plus, you gotta love Rik Mayall.  I finally got this movie on DVD today in the mail and watched it as soon as I got home from some enjoyable lone shopping - yes, without Mama.   I mostly bought household stuff, nothing particularly exciting, unless you count Napisan's Oxyenzyme something worth mentioning.  I hope it lives up to its rather powerful name because there are quite a few stains on some of my favourite clothes that just won't come out.  Oh, I did buy the book: Ring by Koji Suzuki.  Reading the first few pages, I can tell it's gonna be a great book, maybe even better than the movie?  I've developed a new phase or obsession with japanese writers - eversince Jan got me Out by Natsuo Kirino.  It's an amazing book, and I have been devouring the pages.  I have ordered a few books from Amazon by japanese writers, one named Banana Yamamoto.  Sounds delicious :) Another book I ordered,  Coin Locker Babies by Ryu Murakami, is some bizarre tale of two babies that are abandoned in coin lockers at a train station.  One becomes a homicidal pole-vaulter and the other, a prostitute in Toxitown, a chemical disaster town.  Now, why can't I come up with this kind of plot?

Mama Update: Mama was in a good mood today.  As I got all teary watching Drop Dead Fred, I could hear her singing.  And tonight, there were a lot of gorgeous and hilarious stories about Jan's childhood.  Mama never stops talking, but since it was about Jan this time, I was all ears :) One funny story had little Jan paddling out to sea in a dinghy without his Mama's knowledge.  Luckily, someone jumped in and saved him, before he was pulled too far out.    

Media of the Day: I am a loner, a crazy wide-eyed loner on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the three-headed megabeast, but on the way I caught cornflakes disease - Drop Dead Fred

Married? You got married? You mean you've been doing it like the pigeons? YUK! - Drop Dead Fred to Elizabeth 

There was a blow fly in the kitchen.  My mother-in-law called it a 'she' and said: 'The poor thing is confused and is attracted to the light.  Maybe you should open a window and let her out? Or turn on the laundry light so it flies there and you can capture her.' I did as Mama wished, turned off the lights in the kitchen and turned on the light in laundry.  Mama sat in the darkness and ate her sorbet.  And the fly continued to buzz around, annoying the shit out of me.  As soon as Mama left, I turned on the kitchen light, and sprayed and sprayed until I felt like I was in gas chamber.  The fly buzzed more insistently, in its death throes, and fell onto the sink.  I picked it up, still buzzing and flushed it down the toilet.  But it didn't end there.  There was another fly.  So, I got out my trusty homebrand fly spray and commenced to spray some more.  The same death throes buzzing, and then silence.  It had landed on my shirt.  It was sitting on something...At first I thought it was a piece of food, but then it moved.  A pile of maggots was crawling out from the end of abdomen onto my shirt! I silently screamed, and picked up the fly and its maggots from my shirt and flushed them down the toilet again.  Then threw my shirt into the wash.  Jan said that flies carry their babies with them and as they die, they open up the barn door and let their babies out...

Another two blow flies were killed by Jan in my study as I wrote this blog. 

Four flies.  One shit maggots on me.

And Mama let them in. 

Special shoutouts to: Fiona: Happy Happy 21st! Your big sis is proud of ya :D

The highlight of the original Star Trek series: Oooh...Captain Kirk / William Shatner - Such a piece of eye candy back then...

We have too many eggs in the house, but Mama's spring onion omelettes and creme caramel is yummy. 

It's too hot.  I want it to rain (so I don't have to water the garden).

I'm not a Yum Cha fan.  Squid, Jellyfish, Mango pudding, Dumplings, fruit salad, Egg tart and Siew Mai will only last so long in my tummy.  I ate too many desserts.

Crab on lobster on lobster.

Pushing a trolley over gravel was my workout of the day.

Yellow gerberas smiling in a black bowl.

If Brad Pitt and Gwyneth Paltrow were still together, their baby would be named: Apple Pitt.

Giant Arkantos Owls with eyes of fire haunted my dreams.

Where did the day go?

Words
 

You did not see me
Watching you from the shadows
You huddled in the dusty light
Silently crying with trembling fingers
Caressing the pieces of my soul
Laid bare upon the pages
Preserved in plastic
And bound in words
You mouthed as if in divine prayer
You would not let me go

Maybe
Somewhere
You still read my words
Yet
You do not see me
In the shadows
Silently crying with trembling fingers
Caressing the pieces of your soul
Laid bare upon the pages
Bound in tears
All the words you said
And all the words I could not say
When you let me go

Maybe she does read my words.  I wonder if she remembers me? At times, usually when I feel alone and bereft, I will think of her and miss her.  I found a picture of her on the internet.  She was bigger, but she still had the same smile.  I think of the letters she wrote me, all I have left of her, stored away in my family's garage somewhere in a silver box I would probably never open again.  I hear her voice, faint in my mind. And I see her, sitting on my bed, tears in her eyes, telling me she loved me.  How it still hurts anew, even when you think the wound has closed over.  I think, deep down, even when I think I have forgotten her or struggle to, I will always miss her.   

There are people who I have left behind, or who have left me behind.  But for the time when we were together, I know it was worth it.  God puts people in our lives for a reason.  Whether it's for a brief moment, or for a longer period of time, I hope, at least, that I have touched their lives and made a difference.

I finally got around to watching The Village and was riveted throughout the entire film.  Shyamalan is a talented writer and director who knows how to craft a good story and frame gorgeous scenes with simple, but impacting imagery and symbolism.  I can understand why some were disappointed with this movie, but I was enthralled with the whole concept of The Village.  It is a brilliant psychological study.  The supernatural is one thing, but what is most chilling is what humans are capable of.  If you haven't seen The Village, I highly recommend it. 

oooh...to be gorgeous angelina jolie and have a fling with brad pitt? ;) if only...

Take the quiz: "Which famous actress are you?"

Angelina Jolie
Pucker up- I'm Angelina Jolie!

She came, she cooked, she shopped, she talked A LOT.  And now...she's gone. 

I woke up thinking she was still here.  I got used to her being here.  I cleared her room and felt like I was  getting rid of all the evidence that she was here.  But bits of her remain...like a hair pin, her imprint on the mattress and pillow, flowers, her sweet scent, bits of ribbon, the green tea she drank every morning, the now dirty apron she wore, leftover creme brulee, baking implements and baking ingredients, all the presents she gave us and A LOT of food.

I think I hear my name called with her soft, french accented voice.  But no, just silence lingering on the wind that is taking her smell away.

And it's better this way of course.  I feel a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I have regained my freedom.  But, although I'm so happy she's no longer here, part of me is sad and misses her.  She did stay here for a month after all, and you get used to that and a little attached.  For despite the crap I went through with her, there were some good times, and she cared about us in her own ways.

I think I will miss that.

But...I'm not wishing her back anytime soon ;) 

Last night I helped my sister, Fiona, with her 21st party music.  I made a dance and chill playlist for her on my ipod which will be hooked up to a sound system at the venue.  Fiona chose the songs she liked, and totally dissed my chill songs...like songs from Portishead and Zero 7! Apparently they were too weird for her *shrugs* Ah well, I had better luck with the dance playlist: a mix of contemporary and great old school songs that are good to dance to.  People going to Fiona's 21st, you guys better dance, or the stress of picking the songs, putting them in a certain order for the *flow*, will be all for nothing ;) Eh, Fiona? 

Anyway, Fiona brought over one of her 21st presents from Vanessa, my other sister.  A cute, furry, mogwai! When you press its tummy, it moves and chirrups its little song.  So *gorgeous*! I remember when my sisters and I first saw Gremlins and dad told us stories about how gizmo was real in China! You bet we wanted one!

About midnight, I watched a little of A Streetcar Named Desire.  Now, Vivien Leigh is gorgeous as ever, and Marlon Brando was hot too...but I can't *stand* his voice.  It's whiny and squeaky...Ah well...I wonder if I'll ever finish this movie...Have to get past that voice.

My *excitement* today consisted of being locked out of the house, spied and chased by one of the neighbour's dogs, shopping healthy, and eating bad chicken which had me sprawled on the couch watching Hercules: Legendary Journeys an episode with the lovable Autolycus.  Another highlight was a finally received January 12 release of anime! Tsukihime: Lunar Legend Vol. 1 + Collector's Box, Twelve Kingdoms Vol.6, Texhnolyze Vol. 2 and Wolf's Rain Vol. 3.  Anime Bliss!

Hope you had a good day :D  

Chinese roast pork or cha siew.  Strung in windows.  Dripping in its juices.  Waiting for the hungry passerbys.  After watching The Eye, I never want to eat that again.  Watch it, and you'll know what I'm talking about.  It was a great movie, but I was a little disappointed with the scare factor which was quite minimal especially after it was so hyped up by Dave and my cousin, Jia Pien.  The Eye seems to be a mishmash of The Sixth Sense and The Ring movies.  One of the differences is the two latter movies kept me up nights, The Eye had me sleeping peacefully with my weird dreams.  However, it is still a stylish movie worth watching.

My sister, Fiona's 21st party was last night at the Red Orange's cute little courtyard in South Yarra.  The speeches given were gorgeous, particularly Dan's that encapsulated what my little sister is all about...*gas*...haha...I don't think Fiona's forgiven him yet.  Besides the below average food which had someone puking into a serviette and others leaving behind serviette wrapped leftovers, the party was quite fun once some of us got down and dancin'. Fiona and I compiled a great dance playlist which even had the bar guys boppin'. Dan's bro, Christian was trying to persuade everyone to dance. But many people preferred to sit around and have deep and meaningfuls.  Like my other sister, Vanessa said in similar words: 'My 21st was better.  Everyone was drinking and dancing.  I was so pissed in the bush.'  Yeah...well said, Vanessa.  Fiona was a little pissed though...I've seen a baby make many 'trips' to the toilet, but not a drunk one haha...Yeah Fiona, you'll always be a *cute* little sister to me.  I still can't believe she's 21.  Now, she's all mature (only around others of course) and grown up.  Makes me feel even more ancient.  I'm very proud of who she has become though.  I hope she stays a kid and keeps on believing in imaginary friends ;) 

I paid my tafe fees today.  I caught the train.  While I waited for the train, I sat on a bench, watching dead leaves fall on the train tracks and listened to joyful classical music while staring at a poster of a meat pie ad that said: 'Hot and Ready'.  Somehow classical music and a meat pie splashed with tomato sauce didn't quite mix well together.  I enjoyed the music.  I don't like meat pies.

Well, I digress with the culinary delights of this world. 

Catch ya all later. 

Everyone has to watch thirteen!

A gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, disturbing and moving experience into the self-destructive life of a teenager, this film will get you emotionally involved and also scared to have a daughter - or if you already have one, wanting to lock her up...I'm glad I didn't have those problems at 13.

The witch saw Hansel and Gretel eating at her gingerbread house. Ravenous aching tormented her body.  When was the last time she had tasted the sweet, tender flesh of a young child after it was fattened on the desserts of her house?

 The witch opened her chocolate door.   "You poor children, you must be so hungry," she remarked as Gretel vomited violently at her feet.  "Please, come in." 

After Hansel and Gretel ate a filling meal of pancakes, milk, nuts and fruit, the witch tucked them tightly into bed.

Gretel murmured, "I’m still hungry.  Do you have any meat?"
"I will roast you a chicken tomorrow.  Now, sleep my dear," the witch said. 

Hansel and Gretel dreamt of home.

Roasted haunches of meat lay on the table before them.  With small, bony hands and sharp little teeth, they devoured the juicy flesh.

Their stepmother appeared, screaming at them and pushed them to the dirt floor where they were beaten mercilessly.  Stomachs growled hungrily and they saw their father through the pelting rain of blows; staring at them with empty, glassy eyes.

          The next morning, the witch locked Hansel in a cage and ordered Gretel to cook food for her brother. “ When he is fat and plump, I shall eat him!" the witch declared. Gretel wept bitterly, but she did as the witch commanded.

          Soon, Hansel was fat and plump.

The witch shouted at Gretel "Now, get in the oven and see if it is hot enough to roast my meat." And once you're in there, I will have myself another roasted child to eat!
          "I do not know how to do it…How do I get in?" Gretel asked, scared.
          "Oh, you silly girl," the witch spat impatiently, "Watch me!" And she stuck her head inside the oven.  Quickly, Gretel pushed the witch into the oven and locked her in.  She found the key and unlocked Hansel’s cage.
          "We are free Hansel!" Gretel squealed happily and they hugged each other. 

Hansel and Gretel ate heartily that night in the witch’s little house. Roasted meat lay on the table before them.

Between mouthfuls of meat, Gretel said happily,  "I have missed meat. Nothing is more satisfying or tasty…Now, with all the food we have in this house, we will have enough energy to find our way home."
          "Yes home!" Hansel agreed joyfully as he wiped his mouth of the meat’s juices.
          "But, stepmother…" Gretel sighed.
          "What about her?" Hansel asked, finishing off a leg of meat.
          "She’s still mad we ate father."
          "Ah, yes, that could be a problem," Hansel belched.  "Thinking about father, this witch is so much tastier than he was."
           Hansel and Gretel laughed.
          "We will live here, then," Gretel proclaimed.  "Who knows what children may wander by our chocolate door?" 

And, mouths watering, they dreamed of sweet, tender flesh fattened on the desserts of their house.
 
 
 

Nintendo thumb is a medical condition caused by excessive use of the video game controller.  Well, I've been nintendo thumbing a lot.  Even now, as I type this entry, my thumb is pressing the button and whistling for my pikmin.  That game is way too addictive.  I practically had to wrench myself away from the screen only to come back, turn on my gamecube, so I could hear that sweet sweet sound: *PIKMIN*!

I have all the different types of pikmin now, including the blue swimmer ones (I'm beating you, aren't I, Dan?).  These cute pikmin follow you around and do your bidding.  If only they were real...what tasks I would make them do! haha...

Now, my previous retelling of Hansel and Gretel was not an appetiser for what I'm going to say now.  Maybe it's all those hours in the kitchen with my mother-in-law that has gone to my head, but what people eat can be entertaining.  So, if not to broaden your mind with otherwise useless information, here will be my first installment of tasty and not so tasty gourmand tidbits.  I hope you've eaten already.

What's cooking?

Yes, please: A is for arequebuse - a herby liquer that supposedly possessed therapeutic qualities in cases of gunshot wounds back in the 19th century.  Today it is used as a digestive and 'pick-me-up'.  I need this drink so I can play more Pikmin.

No, thank you: animelles - Animal testicles usually from the ram, lamb or bull.  This delicacy was formerly popular in the Mediterranean countries and in France under Louis XV.  It's still popular in Italy and Spain and either prepared in the same way as kidneys or served with a vinaigrette. And I thought asians ate everything.  We have a new contender.

I had a dream...I dreamt I was one of the contestants on Survivor.  Jeff was there, so were three Elizabeths and no island, but a house.  Maybe I was on Big Brother.  In any case, it was fun, but I couldn't even remember how the hell I got onto Survivor.

It is a phenomenally hot and stuffy day.  My one consolation is Lleyton Hewitt is playing in this evil heat.  I hope someone, probaby Federer, kicks his ass! *Come on!*  I may be an aussie, but I'm not supporting that obnoxious, egotistical wank.

Anyway, all you aussies, Happy Australia Day! Do you have an egnishiner? Reply to this question if you know what I'm talking about, and show me you're a true aussie! :D

Doncha love thunder? Especially with this relentless heat that has melted my brain.  The sky is massed with grey clouds and the thunder is cracking its whip.  It's about time the sky split open and cried for a while.

The christmas tree has finally been packed away along with all the decorations.  My hands are still smarting from the pine needles.  Damn fake plastic things.  

After reading the fantastic thriller Out by Natsuo Kirino, that just whet my appetite for more Japanese literature, I started reading a short story collection by Edogawa Rampo - highly regarded as Japan's Edgar Allen Poe.  His tales are weird and twisted but addictive and imaginative.  My favourite stories so far are: The Human Chair which is about a social outcast chairmaker, who one day fashions a beautiful leather chair that he can't part with.  So, what does he do? He makes room in the chair and starts to live in it.  Another story called: The Caterpillar, is about a wife's husband who returns from the war deaf, and without his limbs making him look like a bundled caterpillar who disgusts and arouses his wife at the same time.   

I also read this short story called The Hangman of Oz which is based on a seemingly urban legend that a man hung himself on the set of Wizard of Oz and you can see him hanging from the tree briefly in one of the scenes.  I have looked up this interesting theory on the web, and it turns out that it was only a bird, but a lot of people still believe it.  Apparently, you can only see this hanged man on the first release of the movie on video.

Now, it's time for more foodie notes...

What's cooking?

Yes, please: bouchee - a petit four made from sponge-cake shapes which are hollowed out and filled wtih custard or jam, then sandwiched together and coated in coloured fondant icing.  Yummy.

No, thank you: B is for breast milk.  China serves up dishes cooked with human breast milk.  Chef says: When customers are having the milk banquet, they are experiencing maternal love at the same time.  Awwwww....no thanks.  I'm so over it from my baby years. 

Congratulations to Serena Williams for winning the Australian Open Women's Final.  After being down so much in a set and having a medical timeout, she got back out there and fought hard, dominated the game and won against Davenport.  She is a fighter, a champion and an inspiration. 

When you fall down, it's all about getting up again and continuing the battle.  Fight on, peoples, and be the champions that you are :)

The page is starved. Stark, white bones curve sharp and gleam in the baleful smile of Qwerty as he digs his fingers into your shoulders. "Tomorrow," he says, glancing at the expensive watch girdled around his slender wrist. "It's late afternoon, nearly four. Don't you have other things to do?"

I always have other things to do.  Too many games to play, too many books to read, too many DVDs to watch, too many long conversations, food to cook, food to eat, household chores to be done, errands to run, people to see, loved ones to hang with...you get the gist...and then I get sleepy, and it's time to dream of another day where I will actually get back into writing my novel.  My characters must be going crazy, pacing this dusty attic of my mind.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  Willing me to bring them into completion, to bring them to life.   

The pages are starving, procrastination rules another day.  One day I'll beat old Qwerty for good.

A puggle is a baby echidna. I finally won one -  pouchless but still cute - on Ebay. Check it out here. Back in the '80s, along with the fraggles (finally starting to come out on DVD, yes!), there was a store called The Lost Forest. It was a cave hung with puggles and other creatures. I've always wanted a puggle. Everyone seemed to have one back then. At least I had a cabbage patch doll even if it came from Singapore, didn't have a box and was wrapped in plastic. Hey, little cowgirl, Jody's buttock was signed and she had a birth certificate - that must make her genuine? Well, she was hip enough to be invited to all those cabbage patch birthday parties where we sipped imaginary tea. Ah, those were the days.

I was getting ready for a lazy Sunday before going back to tafe on Tuesday kind of day, when my sister called asking me to come shopping with her at Chaddy.  Needing a pair of jeans, and of course some retail therapy, I was suddenly no longer lazy.  I bought a pair of havana flare jeans - 7 for all mankind brand from General Pants and Co that had 'just come in' and cost me $269.95.  But, they're cool and fit like a second skin ;) *Slinky*! And what better way, to pair it off with a pink and white striped Marcs top that makes me look like a piece of candy :) although a not so sweet $110 :(.  I also had to get the Gorillaz album cuz I can't get that Sound Check (Gravity) smooth groove out of my head.  Top that off with some yummy gourmet-style chicken skewers and mango juice at David Jones' little known Food Glorious Food Court and I must have spent over $400?

Other highlights the past few days are: hanging out with my friends watching the filthy-mouthed, but hilarious Chris Rock stand up show, eating roti and burnt lamb curry at Ninita's place, discovering Spongebob Squarepants and laughing myself silly in the marathon from 10pm-1am, seeing Tamir's gorgeous baby niece, who with her big butt (cuz of her big nappy) reminded me of a puggle, actually borrowing books instead of buying them - or getting Jan to drive to K-Mart in the pouring rain to buy them for you once you've found out that borrowing sucks and you have to own these books, and lastly, drawing a map for my novel when I was half asleep - What progress I'm making.

That's my life.  Howz yours? ;)

Pigs in the mud enjoying their slops when Farmer Dell comes in and says he's going to transfer them to Farmer Porky's farm.

Do you see the beginning of a best seller there? ;) Aren't you dying for more piggish drama? This was produced from the word farm, in which we were instructed to write about under the pressure of 3 minutes and added pressure of reading it out loud in Writing for Children class.  What did we learn from this exercise? That there are splurgers and there are agonisers.

Splurgers

Quick thinkers

Write heaps, usually without any plan in their head

And consequently have lots of editing to do and other drafts to write if they can be bothered in the first place

Talk alot

And thus...love to be interviewed

Are good with coming up with ideas on the spot   

Like working in groups

Agonisers

Need to plan everything out before they even write one word

Don't have as much editing and drafts to do as the splurgers

Are good at writing mysteries and crimes, because they can work backwards

Are good at writing fantasy because they can construct elaborate worlds

Would rather work alone

I'm definitely an agoniser. 

In popular fiction today we were given this line:

Have you told her yet...

This is what I wrote:

Have you told her yet...that I can't write in a lecture theatre.  The seat is so uncomfortable.  I feel like I'm back in uni.  I need a table.  I want to go home and eat something...

OK, the creative juices aren't exactly bubbling with joy.  While the girls are drooling over and inspired by the first year guys that strolled through the classroom doors, I'm in mental constipation and obviously still on holiday.

If you find my muse, send her back to me ASAP.

Back in the good ol' '80s one of my favourite shows was Fraggle Rock.  So you bet I was thrilled when I found out that they're starting to come out on DVD.  I received the first two volumes each with three episodes and tons of extras in the mail today.  While I ate alfredo, I relived the magic and heart-warming of the show.  Who can forget the fraggles: Gobo, Red, Boober, Wembley and Mokey and of course, Uncle Matt, who decides to explore outer space (the human world) with hilarious observations.  Then there are the Gorgs, and the all knowing, all wise trash heap and the gorgeous doozers who build their constructions only to have the fraggles eat them.

Ah, it did the soul good to watch Fraggle Rock, especially when I've been feeling so run down lately.  I am getting dizzy with the amount of work that's ahead of me, the homework that's already piling up in my diary, the adjustments and changes (I miss last year's teachers, well...not all of them and also miss some friends that have moved on).  But, it's not all bad.  I love my friends at tafe, even if they do my head in sometimes ;)...However, I appreciate and adore the unique people that they are, the attention, encouragement and support they constantly give me.  They make me laugh, and make me feel young (although I will always be a big kid).  So, thanx guys! :D

Then there's the matter of having a laugh at the expense of others.  When jokes are taken too far and hurt people.  But sometimes there are certain truths masked in the comedy and we should address them.   Once again, I apologise...you know who you are.  I am glad that we could sort it out.

One more thing...blogs can be oh so dangerous.  I am reminded of the movie Biloxi Blues where Matthew Broderick's character, Jerome, writes private thoughts in his journal about his fellow army mates.  When his journal is found and read by his army mates, they are hurt by his negative observations and judgments of them.

It is true that as a writer once you start compromising your thoughts you become a candidate for mediocrity.

But:

People believe whatever they read.  Something magical happens once it's put down on paper.  They figure no one would have gone to the trouble of writing it down if it wasn't the truth. 

Be careful of what you write and where you do it.   

Media of the Day: 'Follow Me' - Fraggle Rock (performed by Gobo and Uncle Matt)

Every day the world begins again
Sunny skies or rain
Come and follow me

Every sunrise shows me more and more
So much to explore
Come and follow me

Every morning, every day
Every evening, calling me away

While the sun goes 'round
I'll still be found
Following the sound
Something's calling me

When the world goes drifting back to bed
Memories in my head
Wonders follow me

Every morning, every day
Every evening, calling me away
Every morning, every day
Every evening, calling me away

When you're feeling like crap.  When your throat feels like it's swallowed a thousand razor blades.  When your head is fuzzier than the clouds above, nothing feels better than getting into your pyjamas. 

Michael Leunig says it best:

Essentially pyjamas must feel comfortable and look ridiculous.  Wearing them is a ritualistic renunciation of the conscious external world: the world of looking good and feeling stressed.

Yes! My candy-striped, oversized pyjamas are comfy and make me look like a crumpled rainbow. I feel good getting into them and dragging the wrinkled cuffs across the floor.  It is my break from being a perfectionist.

We look soft and child-like, inept and shambling; primitive and funny.  The pyjama fabric droops like tired old elephant skin. The buttons are done up in the wrong holes.  The trousers are hitched up nearly to the armpits.  The cuffs wag above the ankles.

I confess, I have lost a lot of my pyjama buttons.  It's a wonder that my pyjama top is only held by two.  I have perfected the child-like, inept shambling to an artform.  Doesn't help when I trip over the cuffs.

One side of the coat is tucked in, the other side hangs out.  We have no place in the 'real' world looking like this! WE ARE THE STUFF DREAMS ARE MADE OF! What freedom! What peace! What blessed relief!

Especially when you feel like dying.  Hey, my pyjamas would make a good death shroud ;)

God Bless Pyjamas :)

Kinda wasted my time watching this supposedly horror movie called Darkness Falls.  It's about a kind woman who became known as the 'tooth fairy' for giving children gold coins in return for their teeth.  Things turn bad when her face is horribly scarred in a fire, forcing her to wear a mask and hide from the community.  She is hung for murders she didn't commit.  Before she dies, she places a curse on the town of Darkness Falls and subsequently murders children who see her taking their teeth.  A spooky premise, but not scary at all.  Even the mask that the 'tooth fairy' wears looks like the mask hanging in the living room, and I love that mask!  All the way from Venice, Italy it is! Anyway, I had nothing better to do.  I'm pretty spaced out.  I'm emanating heat and chill at the same time. I've sneezed and blown my nose so much that I'm looking like Rudolph and starting to bleed.  Lovely.  And, to complete this pretty picture, don't forget my candy pjs.

I will not have nightmares of the tooth fairy tonight.   When was the last time I lost a tooth? Hmmm...I don't remember getting paid for it!

Some movies that have given me nightmares however would have to be: Ring (japanese version): I hid from the TV in our bedroom, even with my hubby beside me.  The Grudge (japanese version): so many spine chilling moments in that one.  The Exorcist (director's cut): the spider-walk down the stairs froze my blood.  And would you believe it, childhood flashback - Disney's: Darby O'Gill and the Little People: the banshee gave me the creeps.

What's the scariest movies you've seen?

Ever have those days when people bring you down with their criticism or judgments and make you believe you can’t do something, that you aren't as good as you believed yourself to be?

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs that arranged a competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.

The race began...

Honestly no one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.  You heard statements such as:

"Oh, WAY too difficult!

They will NEVER make it to the top."

or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one, except for those who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher.

The crowd continued to yell:

"It is too difficult! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up...But ONE continued higher and higher and higher...

This ONE wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower, except for the one tiny frog who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how the one who succeeded had found the strength to reach the goal?

It turned out...

That the winner was DEAF!

Never listen to other people's tendencies that are negative or pessimistic...

Be DEAF when people tell you that you cannot do something.

Cheers :)

Music is sustenance and balm to the soul.  As I listen I am lifted to bright realms, or descend into the dark hidden depths.  Music for tears.  Music for laughter.  Music for chillin'.  Music for dancin'.  Music for inspiration. 

Give me Enigma's Beyond the Invisible where I wander worlds beyond this one, Smashing Pumpkin's Stand Inside Your Love, and themes like Now We Are Free From Gladiator and the soaring Dragonheart.  The whirling dervish of Sting's Desert Rose and the heartbeat of Massive Attack's Teadrop.  The White Stripes' edgy Seven Nation Army to Craig Armstrong's lullaby: Let's Go Out Tonight.  Sunlight moving amongst shadows in Jars of Clay's Frail and complete with Andrea Bocelli's The Prayer.  There are many others visited - all bring me closer to my muse and the dancer in my heart.

What music moves you?

As I work on my blog opus, I thought that you might be inspired by the following metaphors found in Year 12 VCE English essays of 2003.  Yes, these kids are our future.  Enjoy ;) Thanx Matty!

 
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

We all grew up with Little Red Riding Hood, and we survived it, scary stuff and all, so I say, to hell with political correctness, let our kids experience this classic like it was meant to be enjoyed. Let’s kill the damn wolf, and just put on the best show we can.

- Lynette in Desperate Housewives: Running to Stand Still

 
What many people don't know is that the woodsman never killed the wolf and saved grandma and Little Red Riding Hood.  The wolf ate Red Riding Hood after asking her to get into bed with him, which she did, naked.  That is all.  This classic fairytale among others was written as a cautionary tale during the 17th century for the french courts to warn young ladies of the Big Bad Wolf, aka the stranger who could take advantage of you and your purity.  The writer, Charles Perrault wrote this moral at the end:

Attractive, well bred young ladies, should never talk to strangers, for if they should do so, they may well provide dinner for a wolf. I say "wolf," but there are various kinds of wolves. There are also those who are charming, quiet, polite, unassuming, complacent, and sweet, who pursue young women at home and in the streets. And unfortunately, it is these gentle wolves who are the most dangerous ones of all.

Fairytales were written for adults, not for children.  They were fashionable for a time, until they were abandoned to nurseries and became the watered down versions we know today.  If you read the original versions, particularly from the Brothers Grimm, you would see the grim and gruesome things that have been chopped out all for the sake of a bedtime story.

Today's news: A man cooking in his kitchen was shot, and died after one of his cats knocked his loaded 9mm handgun off the counter behind him and onto the floor, discharging the weapon, Michigan State Police said. 

Crazy cat.

I've had a bit of an issue with cats since one used my car as its scratching post.  And, it's not the first time.  I am not a cat lover, but my heart was a little softened when I saw Kiki's Delivery Service and the gorgeous Jiji...That scene when he pretends to be a soft toy and sweats there on the carpet as the dog lumbers near...Get the cat! Cuz it's so cute *grins* 

I've been listening a lot to Tori Amos' Beekeeper album which is absolutely beautiful.  I highly recommend it.  The album title is inspired by Tori Amos' favourite poem by Sylvia Plath called The Beekeeper's Daughter.  It's lovely...

A garden of mouthings. Purple, scarlet-speckled, black
The great corollas dilate, peeling back their silks.
Their musk encroaches, circle after circle,
A well of scents almost too dense to breathe in.
Hieratical in your frock coat, maestro of the bees,
You move among the many-breasted hives,

My heart under your foot, sister of a stone.

Trumpet-throats open to the beaks of birds.
The Golden Rain Tree drips its powders down.
In these little boudoirs streaked with orange and red
The anthers nod their heads, potent as kings
To father dynasties. The air is rich.
Here is a queenship no mother can contest —-

A fruit that’s death to taste: dark flesh, dark parings.

In burrows narrow as a finger, solitary bees
Keep house among the grasses. Kneeling down
I set my eyes to a hole-mouth and meet an eye
Round, green, disconsolate as a tear.
Father, bridegroom, in this Easter egg
Under the coronal of sugar roses

The queen bee marries the winter of your year.

YAY! O-Ren Ishii is my favourite! :D

That was one weird quiz.  I don't know how it led to this answer.  But, any excuse to post the delectable Legolas or Orlando Bloom...:D

P.S Yes, I know I am bored...I'll post something cheesy...ah, profound soon!

We had a blackout for almost an hour.  Luckily there was still some light outside, and I was able to read.   We've become so reliant on electricity.  I sat there, wanting the comfort of my computer - monitor on! The company of the TV and cable, and being able to listen to music on my stereo through I-Tunes.  I was glad that I already had a shower, so I didn't need to use a hairdryer to dry my hair. Otherwise I would have had to contend with an oil slick head or risk a cold.  And I couldn't cook too, since our stove runs on electricity! *Jan get KFC!* 

Anyway, I was prepared.  This time I had my candelabrum by my side and a box of matches as the light faded.  Last time I had to use the light of my pocket pc to navigate my way to the storeroom where all the candles were (I have lost my torch).  It's kinda romantic using candles.  Floating in the dark with the candelabrum in my hand just like the vampire on an Anne Rice book cover until you set off the damn smoke alarms.  I was going to read and write longhand by candlelight and also pray that the blackout would end before Desperate Housewives came on.

What do you guys do when you have a blackout?

Distraction is Procrastination's evil siamese twin.  I am trying to write my novel.  I have the right mood:  Cloudy, sullen skies.  I have the right music:  Ah, give me Craig Armstrong's Weather Storm.  But as always, distraction breathes down my back. 

These have been my distractions today in no particular order:

1. Mindsay (i'm addicted)

2. Email (although I didn't get much today...nobody loves me!)

3. Being hungry and looking for food, and consequently munching on said food

4. Chortlin' to Spongebob Squarepants

5. Anime delivery *drools* (volumes of: Samurai Champloo + cool box, Wolf's Rain, Twelve Kingdoms, Tsukihime, Texhnolyze) 

6. Ripping delivery box open, spraying packing peanuts everywhere and admiring Anime covers and box art.  Then making room in bursting anime shelves for them.

7. Fussin' with my Samurai Champloo bandana which came with anime delivery.  *Bonus!* 

8. Survivor is on tonight

9. This blog

10. arrrrggh...and there it is again...PROCRASTINATION :(

Congratulations! You are Susan Mayer, the divorcee
and single mom who will go to extraordinary
lengths for love.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

OK, I don't want my blog littered with quizzes, but this just shows how much I already miss Desperate Housewives and I am lamenting the fact that I have to wait 3 weeks for the show to return :(

P.S. Isn't Teri Hatcher gorgeous? I've loved her since Lois & Clark

Ever since I was small, I've always written stories, and there was always someone to write for.  I wrote for my teachers, I wrote for my cousin who was my biggest fan, and for my best friend in high school who was an even bigger fan.  Whenever I wrote, I always had her in my mind.  She was my audience.  Then that friendship ended, and I had nobody to write for, so I stopped writing for a long time.

Deep inside there was always this yearning to write something, but I didn't have anyone who was interested in my work, so my pen became silent and so did I.  I believed I had lost my writing ability and that God had wasted a gift on me.

Then I joined up at Tafe and started a Professional Writing & Editing course and I realised I had never lost the writing gift that God had given me.  And for the first time I had friends who were writers, friends who actually read what I had written and understood the whole writing process. My writing had gained attention again, and I had teachers too who loved my work. 

Now it is my second year in this course, and we have a new novel teacher who barely focuses on our novels and can only spare a five minute workshop for each written chapter, and it looks like only two of those chapters will be workshopped the entire year.  We are reliant on the class to give us written feedback which most probably won't even do.  Makes us all miss our last year's novel teacher who gave us so much attention, encouragement and feedback, and made sure that the class did so as well.  We were rather spoilt, or at least I felt so.

Just recently I wrote a short story for my popular fiction class.  Except for poetry, I hadn't completed a written work in ages, and when I finished, it was a joyous occasion.  I was so happy, so pleased, so proud and so excited.  It was a great feeling of euphoria.  Each time I write a chapter of my novel, I get the same euphoria.  The characters live in me, I write for them and tell their stories, but most of all, I write for me.  I realised then, I don't need an audience.

A real writer will write no matter what because they need to.

No one and nothing can stop you from writing.

When it comes to feedback, take it with a grain of salt - remember that with it comes personal tastes, opinions and bias. Unless you're severely disillusioned, you will know when you write something good and when you don't.

In the end, believe in yourself.  If you're happy with it, that's all that matters.

That is what a true artist is. 

Become an audience of one.  Please yourself rather than others. 

I will leave you with something inspirational from one of my favourite artists, Michael Leunig:

There was a magician whose act was stolen by his audience..was stolen by the world around him. 

A world which learned all the skills of deception, trickery, juggling and effect...A world which spoke increasingly in brilliant jokes and riddles.

The magician had to develop a new role. He decided to become an audience.  An audience of one.  An act which he busked on a street corner unannounced, unadorned, unprepared.

The passing world yelled witticisms...it performed tricks with everything.  With clothes, hair, music, relationships, art, real-estate, politics, money, words, food, hearts and minds.

Modern life had become an act of cunning except of course the life of the audience of one.

The greatest, truest magician of them all.

Sometimes we need to escape from the four walls of our life and when the world falls down around us.  For me, fantasy does it.  I have a Peter Pan complex in that I've never grown up.  Whereas others will cast aside the much loved toys of yesterday, I cling to them and remain in Neverland, my eyes still open to what dreams may come...surrounded by my fairies, dragons, mermaids, trolls, elves and angels and books with magical realms to explore.

I escaped to Labyrinth tonight.  I grew up on this magical movie, and love it as much as I did when I first watched it.  I still feel like Sarah and remain enchanted with The Goblin King - Jareth, Hoggle, Ludo, Sir Didymus...And of course all the other characters that people the Goblin world - the fairies, the goblins, even that gorgeous blue haired worm that asks Sarah in for 'a cup o' tea with the missus'.  The labyrinth, and all the different sceneries...All these wonderful elements envisioned and brought to life by the genius of Jim Henson and Brian Froud...Ah, what's not to love about this movie?

Then, there's my most favourite scene that got me hooked on masquerades forever, the romantic ball scene with Jareth and Sarah where they dance to one of David Bowie's fantastic songs: As the World Falls Down.

Most of all, this movie is about love and friendship.  I always get choked up when Sarah gets home and sees her friends in the mirror saying: Should you need us...for anything...

Yeah, I need you guys.  We all need you.

May this cutie bring you lots of joy! I don't know about you, but I could watch him rock back and forth for ages...hehe.  I shall call him Rocko!

Rock on lil dude!

Send him your appreciation :)

- Monkeynapped from Tess who Monkeynapped him from Juleloe :p

- Esther Buhrman

Ta Prohm, Cambodia. An ancient temple claimed by the jungle, where giant trees possess the stone. It is an ethereal place, another world, and thus became an inspiration for one of the settings in my novel.

P.S I took the photo, cool huh?

 I think I have every light on in the house.  I'm expecting something to claw through the door at any minute...Yeah, I saw Ring Two tonight.   Similar idea to Dark Water, another great japanese horror which will be Hollywoodised soon.   Ring Two had little story and minimal scares.  But, she is one creepy character...

Sadako or Samara, American or Japanese, she still freaks me out!

Besides the magnificent, awe-inspiring temples of Cambodia, I loved the children of Cambodia.  These beautiful kids live in devastating poverty, but will still smile at you.  It's a reality check for us all, living comfortable lives where food and shelter is often taken forgranted. These kids can only dream of such a life.

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! 

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

Just watched the surreal, but fabulous Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  There are many things I have done in my life that I have regretted, and people I wish I could forget.  I would have this fantasy that I could go back in time, and change things, do things the way they were supposed to be done.  But then I thought what happened if once I did change things, I had to relive everything else all over again up to this point? It would be easier instead, to just erase these memories, exterminate them from your mind as if they never existed. 

Memories are a strange thing and always selective.  For people who are no longer in our life, we often glorify those memories.  And if we miss them, then we remember the good, and not the bad.  I remember how much I missed a certain friend I had back in high school.  One day I was reading these journals I had kept back then, and found all these angry entries about this friend, and from those scrawled words of the past I all of a sudden remembered what a bitch she had been to me, and how she had used me.  In a way, I had erased those memories from my mind.  But there are some memories that can never be erased.  They've worked their way into your subconscious and become a part of you. 

If you had the choice to erase a certain memory, would you? And, what would it be?

I only like going to the airport when I pick someone up, not when they have to leave.  I brought my husband, Jan, to the airport, vowing not to cry.  But everyone around me was all teary and it made me want to cry too.  When we said our goodbyes, I felt the tears rising up in me, threatening to explode as the doors closed and I couldn't see him anymore. 

I left the airport, joining in with the slump-walk of other sad people, paid my $10 parking ticket (for 1 hour!) and after negotiating my way in the maze-like car park, drove home. 

The house was as we left it, but his toothbrush was gone.

I went home for dinner, and laughed it out with my sisters.  Vanessa and Fiona were making fun of my Italian poetry recital in Melbourne University ages ago, back in high school when I won a poetry competition.  They were being so mean, but I laughed, cuz they were laughing.

Now, I'm back home.  The silence is all around me.  I can't wait until my friends come over to stay on Tuesday and Wednesday, then I can at least be distracted for a while until Jan comes back :)

Seeya guys soon :p

All fantasy, in the end,  is a copy of The Lord of the Rings.

What do you think?

This comment comes from my ignorant novel teacher whose narrow subjects consist of sex, violence and degradation to women.  He also believes that popular fiction isn't worth it, and that it is chucked in the bin after it's read.

Special shoutouts to:

Martyn: for understanding my writing, giving me constructive and helpful feedback and masses of encouragement, and most of all, for defending me in class. 'Yeah Martyn, we need to expand our teacher's mind.'

Dave: for his constant support, feedback, understanding and encouragement.

Ray: my novel teacher from last year who told me the other night: 'You better finish your novel, or else...!' Geez, I miss him.

Chirping crickets, passing cars, and the steady hum of my computer.  That's all to be heard in this silent house.  All the noise went, when my friends left today after a 2 night sleepover party.  We had so much fun.  It was great to be immature and silly, and forget my responsibilities and problems for a while.  Now, it's back to being just me until Sunday.  Time to be selfish, self-centered, slob around and walk around the house naked.  What Bliss! ;) Hold on, Patrick's still here! *Tartare Sauce!*

I'm feeling pooped.  Up until 3am for 3 nights straight.  No wonder Civilization 3 makes no sense before my weary eyes.  Has anyone played this game?

Anyway, I miss you guys...Thanx for all the laughs :p

I don't fit in is the common moan of people.  I know what it's like to not fit in.  Even now, when I'm at tafe surrounded by my friends, sometimes I sit in silence, feeling alone, and left out.  And it reminds me of high school all over again, except this time it's different.  I'm older and I'm married.  I am the odd one out.  All my friends my age, are out working, having careers, having children...And I'm still studying.  Trying to write a novel that I pray will be recognised and published one day.  Once in a while, someone will come along and give me encouragement and add to a waning faith.  I wonder at times, what am I doing? Where in the hell am I going? I feel alone then and I don't fit in. Yet people tell me that I get along with everybody, that I do fit in.  That's because I try.  In high school I used to sulk off in a corner, hoping that people would come to me and when they did, I would know that I was accepted and loved. I had such a low self esteem back then, and still do.

I've learnt a lot since high school.  When I started at tafe, I was determined not to wait around for people to pick me up as their friend.  My plan of action was to go to the people and pick up a few friends of my own.  And so I did.  I made the effort. I went out of my way. I listened. I came to their level.  It wasn't easy, and it's hard to be enthusiastic all the time.  Sometimes you don't even feel like talking to people, and as a shy person, it was harder for me.  But I have a heart for people and I kept at it.

I have great friends at tafe. 

Special Waffo Shoutouts to: Dave (whitechapel), Scott (ringoboy), Mel (mewmew), Sarah (water), Martyn, Jarrod (jazza), Mandy (mandyt)...

So, how about fitting in? You know we can be so self absorbed and selfish.  Some of us are so wrapped up in our own problems, that anybody else's hurts aren't worth shit.  Some of us take it a step further and proclaim arrogantly that our problems are bigger and much worse than anybody else's.  And so they say: Let's talk about me.  Some people don't even get to say their hurts, and instead are dumped on with a pile of hurts from others, and consequently cry even harder into their pillow at night. Everybody hurts.  We should recognise this.

A wise person said: If the world doesn't adapt to you, you adapt to it.

Instead of wishing someone would understand us, let's try and understand others. 

Mad european villagers. Evil chanting monks. Ogres. Chainsaw men and women. Giant insects.  All this and more, ruled by a royal dwarf named Salazar.  And the ultra cool hero, Leon S. Kennedy, who likes to kick ass and you have the pleasure of playing him!  This is what you get when you play Resident Evil 4.  Your goal: save the president's daughter...

It's a mix of the unsettling Silent Hill, the stealth of Metal Gear Solid and classic Resident Evil fun minus the zombies.  It's one action-packed, creepy as, addictive and exhilirating game.  I am extremely trigger happy (I have 2 rocket launchers and 2 magnums in my possession) especially when I'm stressed out.  Nothing more satisfying to hear the squelching explosion of heads.  If only we could shoot down our own demons.

I'm in chapter 4.  Apparently there are six chapters, so I'm more than half way through.  I'll be sad to see this game end, but the sooner I finish, the sooner I'll get back to work eh?

Go Leon! Go Me! :D

On a shelf the troll watched the world go by

Gazed at the fairies

Dancing under the plaster sky

Lost himself in halls of fable and dream

Within columns of books

Silvered in a moon that could scarcely be seen

Beyond the glass window gate

Across a carpet sea

Outside with the stars

Where he longed to be

On a shelf the troll’s heart broke and died

As he watched the world go by

One of my most favourite visitors is the courier.  As soon as I see his white van, I get all excited, because my anime has arrived! It's a monthly, addictive indulgence, so it's about time I wrote something about it.

My favourite animes at the moment, in no particular order:

Haibane Renmei

Berserk

Twelve Kingdoms

Cowboy Bebop

Wolf's Rain

Boogiepop Phantom

Noir

GTO

The Anime I have so far (some still collecting as each volume comes out):

Series:

Ah My Goddess!

Angelic Layer

Astroboy

Berserk

Boogiepop Phantom

Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040

Captain Herlock

Chobits

Chrono Crusade

Cowboy Bebop

El Hazard

Fruits Basket

Full Metal Alchemist

GTO: Great Teacher Onizuka

.Hack//Sign 

Haibane Renmei

Lain: Serial Experiments

Last Exile

Martian Successor Nadesico

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Niea_7

Now and Then, Here and There

Noir

Orphen

Paranoia Agent

Raxephon

Read or Die

Reign: The Conquerer

Samurai Champloo

Someday’s Dreamers

Texhnolyze

Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar

Trigun

Tsukihime

Twelve Kingdoms

Vampire Princess Miyu

Vision of Escaflowne

Witch Hunter Robin

Wolf’s Rain

X

Movies:

Cat Returns, The

Cowboy Bebop

Grave of the Fireflies

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

Spirited Away

Vampire Hunter D

Kiki’s Delivery Service

Laputa: Castle in the Sky

Of course, there are many animes I'm still after, but aren't released in Australia yet, and I'm not really into imports unless necessary.

What anime do you own? And, what are your favourites?

Jan and I have started house hunting, and the very first house we saw, we fell in love with.  It is absolutely perfect, with everything we want and more! Four bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 3 car garage, modern kitchen, 4 entertaining areas including the pool area with bbq...It's like being in a mini resort! It is meticulously and beautifully designed too. The pictures don't do it justice...Wish us luck with this one..It's our dream home! :D

This house hunting has got me so excited that I was dreaming about it, and had the most vivid dream early this morning, except my husband wasn't Jan, it was Spike from Buffy! It was hilarious.  We found a perfect mansion of our own ;).  Don't ask me why I'm dreaming of Spike..maybe cuz he's extremely yummy (sorry Jan hehe), and I have vampires on the brain because I'm working on a short story about vamps :p

I am in love with the musical and now I am in love with the movie.  Phantom of the Opera conjures up many mixed emotions from its audience, most who prefer the musical with the principle cast Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman.

But the movie remains a faithful and sumptuous adapatation of a timeless story, and music the likes of which will always tug at your heart and make it bleed.

It is forever haunting, forever heartbreaking: the tragic love of the lonely Phantom for Christine.  

I wish I had an internal tape recorder that would flash for an incoming compliment, or something encouraging, anything positive and would record it word for word.  I would be able to play it back and it would take me through the hard times, whenever I felt my confidence or self-esteem was particularly low.  When I think back on my life, I remember very little compliments and encouraging things, and I know there were a lot more.  Right now, I wish I could remember all my novel teacher, Ray, said to me last year.  He said a lot of positive and encouraging things, only some of which I can remember. 

Tonight I reached out to him as he walked past me and my friends, Mel and Martyn.  'We miss your class, Ray,' I said. And to hear the caring in his voice, made me almost want to break down and cry.  I realised that's what  I was missing the most.  The care and the attention that Ray lavished on our work last year.  His encouragement, his specific and indepth feedback on your individual and unique style and voice.  How he pushed us and expected us to go far.  I also learnt a lot.

Our novel teacher now does none of this.  He devotes a stingy five minutes of workshopping on each of our chapters, and gives us flippant, general feedback that doesn't help us at all.  The rest of the class is devoted to exploring and discussing other short stories, mostly his own whose narrow focus is predominantly the graphic degradation and abuse (mainly sexual) of women for they are the weaker sex who cannot and will not fight back against their male agressors.  Our novels should be the focus, not his short stories, or anyone else's for that matter.  Most of all, he does not care.  I will always remember when my chapter was being workshopped a few weeks ago.  Only five people got to say something about it, and one of the five was cut off because my teacher said: 'We don't have the time.'

I enrolled in this writing course to encourage and motivate me to write more, to meet other writers, and for the support.  Although I have high hopes and determination my novel will be published one day, there's also the high chance that it won't be published. 

All I have is the ever starving attention and feedback to make my words worth something.  I cried all the way home thinking about this, and realised in the end, my writing and I are all alone.

What do I do when I'm lacking in inspiration? Seek my muse...And, what a dark and beautiful muse it is :D

I confess: I am a Gerard Butler fan-aholic. *drools* Now, what was I writing again?

When I fall into a deep sadness, or the world falls apart around me, why do I always think of you? The sweet ghost of my past.  Why do I see you before me, telling me that you love me with tears in your eyes? I turned away, and my heart broke.  Now all I have left of you are old songs that we shared, that I torture myself with.  In their notes I hear your voice.  And I think of all the new songs that we never got to share.

Why can't ghosts just die and leave you alone? 

Procrastination city when you have a new toy to play with.  My short story remains in the swampy beginnings, but hell, I have a new 30 gig photo ipod! (double the space I had before!). As I was playing with my I-Tunes library, watching eagerly as 3000+ songs port over to my new ipod, I was playing around with some of the songs, and came upon some profound song lyrics, spoken by Leonardo Dicaprio from the movie: The Beach - great soundtrack by the way.

Reached

Will you join in my crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me?

I hate confrontations.  I've never been an assertive person.  When something upset me I usually kept it to myself, bottling it up and creating massive explosions elsewhere and consequently earning the title of 'Miss Sensitive'.  I've had problems with teachers in the past, but I never confronted them about it.  I was a master at complaining about them behind their back with my friends and fantasising about what I'd say, but the closest I ever got was telling a co-ordinator about it and she didn't do anything. 

Last night was different.

Mel, Martyn, Dave, Sarah and I...We decided we'd had enough of our novel teacher.  We were sick of the little emphasis and focus he put on our novels.  We were sick of his short stories in a novel class.  We were sick of him not caring at all, not nuturing, motivating and encouraging us as a teacher should.

So after class ended, we stayed at our tables, a corner council, and waited for our teacher.  He came and he sat in the midst of us and he listened.  I got out everything I wanted to say.  He was quite defensive.  He accused us of being guilty of things we didn't do.  He mocked our work.  He was patronising and condescending.  He treated us like dummies who didn't know better.  He did not care about our novels.  He listened like a brick wall.  In the end, he said he'd talk to the rest of the class about it and see if we could reach a consensus about more emphasis on our novels and workshopping.

I don't know if it made a difference.  I feel sick thinking about it.  What if we've all penalised ourselves now?  Is he going to be prejudiced about our work now that we've raged against his system?

In any case, I'm glad we said something.  You gotta stand up for your beliefs, even if they come charging against you afterwards.  

We all tried our best.  We stuck together.

That's what matters. 

Rain

City lit puddles

Smoky avenues

And puffs of breath

In the icy coldness

The mourn of a saxophone

Through the mist

Melancholy

In the hunched figure

Who walks alone

In the darkness

Hoping to find light

Before the long silence

When the song ends

Chapter One: Vanessa

Vanessa is 24 years old, but she's still my cute little sister.  She gave me this gorgeous card with two girls holding hands.  She wrote:  It reminds me of when we were little.  You are the one on the left in the pretty clothes and I am the one on the right - dressed like a tomboy! I thought it was the sweetest thing.

With Vanessa, it's all about the food.  I should call her the 'gourmet traveller'.  We went to Europe together a few years back, and she doesn't talk about the sights, no, she talks about the food.  She seems to remember every meal we had there.

When we were at Knox, she was at her happiest when we were eating tappas.

Then at mum's place, cooking a roast dinner, she was giving me cooking lessons using her favourite Kylie Kwong cookbook.

Mum told her off for marinating the chicken wings with caramel sauce, but it tasted fine :)

Chapter Two: Goonies!

Matt and I have been getting into 80s movies.  Mostly because I feel that he has been deprived of some great ones and Back to the Future is not good enough, Matty ;).  When I found out he hadn't watched The Goonies, that was the obvious choice of what we were doing that night, but as he said: As long as we get to watch some Dark Angel, so he could sing along with the beginning credits and perve on Jessica Alba ;) I think he had some reservations about 80s movies when we watched The Lost Boys and it gave him a 'horrible 80s feeling'.

I grew up on The Goonies, so everytime I watch it, it's tinged with nostalgia.  My favourites have always been Chunk and Data.  You know that movie has a whole heap of mistakes? The most noticeable being at the end when Data talks about the scary octopus.  I always wondered about that one and thought I had missed something.  Was there an octopus in the movie? No, it had been cut out, and they forgot to cut out Data's little comment along with it.

Chapter Three: My ipod can show album art!

I think I stayed up till 3am one night pasting pictures into my I -Tunes for every album and single I had on my ipod.  Now, whenever I play a song on my I -Tunes or my ipod, it comes up with a picture! How cool is that!

I know I have no life...

Chapter Four: Japanese Banquet

Vanessa of course, was the one that recommended we try out the Japanese Banquet at Sakura.  So, Jan and I went last night.  We were starving.  We came out feeling sick cuz we'd eaten too much.  I could barely gulp down the green tea that came at the end.

This was followed by a trip to K-Mart hunting for The Killers album.  I love it! I love the whole 80s scene that is coming back and I'm getting into The Cure too.  I only found out when I was making my 80s & 90s playlists that If you Leave the end credits song in Pretty in Pink was by them too!

The night was finished off watching Desperate Housewives and a newly acquired anime series called Pretear which is hilarious especially when the lead character, Himeno, becomes 'one' with one of the seven Leafe knights to acquire their powers.  It's not often that a girl has a choice of seven willing guys *grins* 

Well, that's enough pop culture and useless trivia for all you peoples...catcha soon :) 

God gives us friends to push us to our potential and enemies to push us beyond.

I heard this in last week's sermon, and it really spoke to my heart, particularly in the stressful situations that my friends and I have been facing with our teacher.  So, we confronted him.  And I stood firm and spoke out as I've never done before.  My teacher, my enemy, pushed me beyond my limits, and made me grow past the shy, victimised and unassertive person that I was.  And because of that, our classes have changed for the better.  Our teacher has changed the classes and taken our suggestions.  It is now a class where the focus is on us and our work, not his, and we ultimately come out of that class more nourished and fulfilled when we were just recently starving and hungry.

In the bad times, remember that.  Through our trials and our pain, we come out stronger and more complete in our purpose.

I've been so lazy lately.  I go to sleep at around 2am, but there have been at least two days I've woken up past midday.  Jan wakes up earlier, but then when he sees I'm still sleeping, he crawls into bed and sleeps more with me.  Yeah, I'm setting a bad example.  Now, I have a roaring headache.  I hate sleeping too much.  But there was an interesting dream.  I dreamt that Jan and I owned a nice penthouse in Southgate.  There were gardens that we shared with royalty and we had a boat and our own private island.  Hmmmm...Maybe that's why I kept on sleeping?

Yesterday I watched two movies.  Glory was the first one.  I've seen the movie twice now, and am always stunned by the brilliance and touching depth and emotion in the story and characters.  The acting is impeccable.  I was crying A LOT.  The end shot is forever fixed in my mind.  So, if you haven't watched it before, do yourself a favour.

Next came Stargate.  I ate bad spaghetti to this, although Jan couldn't get enough of it.  Sorry to all the Stargate fans out there (like Mel) -  I had seen this movie before, but understood why I never remembered it.  I spent at least half of the movie, trying to distract Jan from it.  I was quite sad when they blew up the pharoah alien, who was one cool dude.  And that's all I have to say.  Well I do hope that the series is better.    

After that, I had to be cheered up.  So I chose Martin Lawrence's stand up comedy and what a sore choice that was.  It was not funny and very sad.  The jokes were in poor taste and I think Martin Lawrence is a little full of himself.

One wonders why I blogged this entry.  Well, the Southgate penthouse was nice :D  

1. What time did you get up this morning?

8am, but then I went back to sleep

2. Diamonds or pearls?

Diamonds - they're sparkly :D

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Ring 2 - crap. I don't go to the cinema very much these days.  There's nothing on right now! 

4. What is your favourite TV show?

Seinfeld 

5. What did you have for breakfast?

I wasn't awake for breakfast

6. What is your middle name?

Soek Peng (hate it)

7. What is your favourite cuisine?

Japanese & Italian

8. What foods do you dislike?

Anything weird like pig trotters and bitter vegetables.  Geez I love my chinese heritage. 

9. What is your favourite chip flavour?

Chicken

10. What is your favourite CD at the moment?

Hot Stuff - The Killers

11. What type of car do you drive?

BMW coupe

12. Favourite sandwich?

I hate sandwiches 

13. What characteristic do you despise?

Snobbery 

14. Favourite item of clothing?

My 7 for mankind jeans

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?

Japan, of course!

16. What colour is your bathroom?

What kind of crap question is that? Cream I guess. 
17. Favourite brand of clothing?

Don't really have a favourite brand.  If I like it, I'll buy it :) 

18. Where would you retire to?

I don't want to think of being old right now

19. Favourite time of the day?

Whenever I'm having fun which could be anytime.  I tell you my un-favourite time: 4.44pm! :|

20. What was your most memorable birthday?

Probably when I was 16.  I was really young and naive then :)

21. Where were you born?

Sydney, Australia at Paddington Hospital

22. Favourite sport to watch?

Tennis - I like to throw stuff at the screen when Hewitt is playing.

I'm a Coke-aholic

24. Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Night owl alright

25. What is your shoe size?

6 and a half to 7

26. Do you have any pets?

I need a dragon and a wooly mammoth :p 

27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends?

I wish I could say yes, but sadly...no

28. What did you want to be when you were little?

An archaeologist - Indiana Jones anyone? ;) 

7 Deadly Sins

- thanx to TheDjinni for this one! :D He found a better quiz than I did!

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? Jan, taking out my stress on him :p
2. What is your weapon of choice? Some kind of cool samurai sword :D
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? I've done it before and I'll do it again!
4. How about of the same sex? Hell, yes! *pokes Mel back*
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?  I can't remember...Who would get angry with me? *smiles sweetly*
6. What is your pet peeve? People with no foodal manners: slurping and burping.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I try to let go, but there's things I can't let go of...so be wary of crossing me ;)

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you have not done in a long time? exercise 
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? 2pm
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? That'd probably be Wendy.  But I'm waiting for her to contact me! *smiles sweetly* 
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?  'I need to go to the toilet' when I had to get away from my mother in law.  I stayed in 'the toilet' for a very long time.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? Yep...I almost bought the thing.  
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? Hmmm...I really can't remember that one *blushes*
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?  I don't hit snooze, I just turn it off.

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?  Nudies!
2. Meat eaters: chicken and lamb
3. Do you eat the skin of off chicken? yep
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? nope 
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? yep, need to lose some.
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? salty foods  
7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, lunch? some kids are so cute, i just wanna eat them all up! :D  

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? 3
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? that's *private* :p

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? only if it looks abnormal ;) 

4. Have you "done it"?  what do you think? *smiles sweetly*
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? face and hands 
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? no  
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? pregnancy

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? one
2. What's your guilty pleasure store?  any place that sells books, dvds, music, games, clothes and accessories.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? buy a house, go on a shopping spree, travel around the world...there's *lots* i'd do!

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? famous...i'm already rich ;)

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? no, i need a challenge when it comes to jobs.

6. Have you ever stolen anything? when i was younger i was a kleptomaniac.  an angus & robertson bookstore installed a mirror because of me.

7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? 4,000+ (99% burned from my original cds)

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Do I have anything to be proud of? *thinks hard*...

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? I dunno if they're proud of me.

3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? Be a celebrated writer

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Yeah, I'm competitive.

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? All the time :)
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? maybe
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? Not going mental, when I would have been justified to. 

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I can't think of anything my friends have that I might want *no offence to my friends* :)

2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? I don't know

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Angelina Jolie...cuz she's beautiful, has Brad Pitt and has the money and power to be an ambassador for the needy. 

4. Have you ever been cheated on? I command loyalty *smiles sweetly* 

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? I hate my nose, neck and toes! 

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Outgoingness

7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey?  Not really - I'd rather answer the questions than ask them :)

Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Greed

My heart is a sea of turmoil

Waves smash against this little boat

Yet

You lie there peaceful

The foam on your lashes

You wake up and smile

And all is calm

You sleep again

With me in your arms

The boat is lulled

The breeze is sweet

And I am no longer afraid

I dreamt I was all alone

Where best friends died

I waited

I left

Passed all my friends

They didn't see my tears

Or wave goodbye

They kept on smiling their smiles

Wrapped up in their own lives

As I bled for them

They forgot about me...

These nightmares will follow me

For the rest of my life

There's a possum that has been ripped to shreds in the garden.

Its head has been eaten. 

There's an ear over there in the dead leaves.

There's another ear over in the wily grass.

Oh, a little paw half buried in the dirt.

I guess Friday 13th came too early for this hell-beast.

That's my thought for the day.

So, how have you been? :) 

the possum  

OR

the badger

I did not sleep at all last night.  I literally lay in bed, with my eyes closed - trying to get to sleep, but failing miserably.  And, before I knew it, it was 10.30am...time to get up.  I don't know what it was.  I wasn't thinking of anything...but maybe badgers and salad fingers had something to do with it subconsciously eh Ronal? :(

Still, zombie-like, I managed to meet up with my friends, Dave and Sarah, to support Dave's poetry reading with his class in St. Kilda. 

Dave, you did great!

I was really proud of him :D...but will blame him if I can't sleep tonight cuz of nightmares of swallowing huntsmen spiders ;)

There were many talented poets who were inspiring, particularly a published poet: Matt Hetherington whose poetry was absolutely stunning and beautiful with a few touches of humour as well.  There was a haiku based on his travels in India that went something like this:

Eating rice

while looking at fields of rice

Profound :D

After that, we went to Acland Street for dinner where I had a very yummy lasagna.  A trip to St. Kilda is never complete without takeaway from one of its bakeries so I brought a tray home of two canolis, and two mini creme brulees.  Jan and I just ate the creme brulees then.  *Scrumptious*!

Anyway, I bid thee farewell for now, as this weary head is looking for the perfect...pillow.

I am inspired though, so look forward to some more poetry :)

When you have insomnia, you're not really awake and you're definitely not asleep.  I've suffered from all consuming insomnia for two nights straight.  I don't know what's wrong.  I tried milk with honey, listening to calming music, praying...But my mind remained a wide open receiver.  It received nothing except for the night's silence and Jan's steady breathing which I even tried to replicate.  That didn't help.  It just got me all *envious* that he could sleep and I couldn't! And damn, was I exhausted! 

I thought I would eventually drift off...but no, by the time 10.30am rolled around again (that seems to be my body clock's awakening time these days), I had not slept a wink.  But my mind had cavorted and run gleefully away from sleep.  It composed two songs, thought of a story where everyone got trapped on a space boat and was lured by the casinos inside and I had faked pregnancy to return to my homeland? My mind conjured up a multitude of characters that it sat and argued with for hours.

All that time, my eyes remained closed, gummed with an artificial sleep.  But all inner eyes were wide open. 

I am slowly going mad.

Did Jestar finally sleep last night?

No :(

That's three nights now of no sleep.  The sandman does not visit me anymore.  I had some horlicks (malted milk) before I went to sleep, and took this herbal remedy that supposedly helps with insomnia.  While it did subdue my mind that sat quietly in the corner, it did not make me sleep.  Instead I dozed the entire night, my eyes closed, but not reaching the deep sleep I so desperately crave and need.

I went to the doctor's and got a prescription for sleeping pills.  She kept on telling me stop being stressed about sleeping, and I was like: I'm not stressed, I just want to sleep, but I can't.  She just laughed at me, and didn't listen and kept on repeating herself *shrugs*.  But at least I've got these pills. 

Thank you all for your concern about me, especially my good and caring friends Sayuri and TheDjinni.  Thanks for being so worried and stressed out about me (geez...I hope you guys got sleep!).  Love you guys muchly :D

So, will Jestar sleep tonight? Will the Sandman grace her with his presence?

Or will she literally become Night and Day of the Living Dead - in fact I already feel like that.  I look *scary* 

Stay tuned.

Yay for Tom! :D He deserved to win!

I'm caught up in the finale of Survivor, and I thought what if I had one million dollars to give?

So, for fun here goes:

Why should I give YOU a million dollars? :D

Did Jestar finally sleep last night?

YES! :D

The pill worked its magic and I was a goner to the much missed world of sleep.  But I woke feeling sick.  Maybe I slept too much? Or maybe it's like when you've been starved for a while, and eat too much, then you feel like chucking? Cuz you're not used to it. 

Well, I'm there and feeling miserable.  Sure I got the sleep, but recent revelations about things have put me in a melancholy mood and the bright dwindling summer days just hurt my eyes.

You can forget all I've done for you...Just don't forget about me.

I've always felt like I was worth nothing.  So much so that when I was younger, whatever prized posession I had I gave to my best friend in primary school, because I was scared that she would leave me.  When we had fights, I'd give her another present, like I was saying: Take this, because I'm not good enough.

Sometimes these feelings rise up like bile in my throat, and I either cling to or push the people away that I love.  Yeah, there's been many times where I'd rather get rid of a person, dump 'em, before they have a chance of dumping me.  And I did so, and often regretted it.   

I've always been scared of people leaving and forgetting me.

I'm afraid of the busy-ness of life that will sweep them away with the tide.

And I'll be left all alone on an empty shore, missing them and thinking, maybe I wasn't worth anything at all...

Because they left me behind.

We used to play with caterpillars

Trapped on their jewel green leaves

As we swung them around on those summer days

Before they disappeared into their cocoons

And were out of our reach

Becoming butterflies watched from afar

Spreading their wings in the sunlight

To soar above the heaviness of the world

We longed to be like them

To cast our fuzzy, childish skins

And grow wings

Until then we only dreamt

Stranded where we were

But were all together then

And we were happy

Until the day you all grew wings

And became butterflies

You all flew away

Forgetting the lone caterpillar

Trapped on its jewel green leaf

Dreaming of wings

And lost in those summer days

Io Non Ho Paura or I'm not Scared is a chilling and beautiful tale set in the idyllic countryside of Southern Italy where a young boy loses his innocence and grows up when he chances upon a deep, dark hole containing a captive, and abused boy.

Thus follows a story where one boy's love and courage triumphs over the evil depths of humanity.

I was shocked. Enthralled. Inspired. And moved to tears.

Please watch this movie.

So, I'm still not getting any sleep.  While I dozed I had a few nice, sleep-related dreams of some friends of mine.  I won't say who, just in case the ones I didn't dream of get jealous :p

Amongst these nice dreams I had a nightmare about a dog.  I went out to the garden and decided to sleep outside -  I don't know why...dreams are bizarre like that! Anyway, when I go outside, there's a big dog just standing there staring at me, so I run inside, and it's on the steps outside the door, still staring at me.  I slam the door, and bang the window, but it stays. 

I have a feeling this is symbolic of not being able to sleep.  This big dog is the block against my sleeping.

I also had sleep paralysis.  Have any of you guys experienced that before? All of a sudden your body goes into paralysis, including your throat, so when you try to scream, a garbled mess comes out as if someone's strangling you.  And it feels like a presence on top of you, weighing you down.  Apparently it's common.  I've experienced it way too many times, with some instances of definite evil lurking there. 

That may be why I didn't sleep at all last night.  I was too afraid :|

Why fly a kite if you can just pop a pill?

- Kramer, Seinfeld.

I can't say I've ever flown a kite, but it would be fun.  However, I've been popping a lot of pills.  My insomnia has acquired a whole drawer full of them.  Mersyndol for headaches, Valerian for anxiety, and Stillnox for sleep.  But I stopped taking Stillnox cuz I didn't want to be dependent on it. 

Early this morning, around 6am, sleep finally came to me.

At last.

As legend goes, before Adam and Eve, there was Adam and Lilith.  Jehovah created Lilith out of mud to be Adam's first wife, but she had defects and gave birth to evil spirits.  Eventually she deserted Adam to join Satan's henchmen and Jehovah created her replacement, Eve from Adam's rib.

Lilith has been described in many ways, either as a woman of sinister beauty or an ugly old hag.  She probably was the original vampire and succubus/incubus, feasting on blood or seducing sleeping men into somnambular intercourse so they woke up exhausted.

Lilith or 'The Old Hag' have been synonymous with Sleep Paralyis (SP) where the sleeping person, usually sleeping on his or her back will be attacked by a malevolent presence sitting on their chest, and paralysing them, sometimes even choking and smothering them so they can't call for help.

I have experienced SP many times now, the first time when I was about 12.  The first time, I woke paralysed with a heavy weight on my body as if someone was sitting on me.  And there was somebody there.  A shadowy black figure, its face close to mine, hands on my body.  I tried to scream out, but I was being strangled and couldn't.  I felt like I was going to die.  It was a very frightening and unforgettable experience that repeated itself over the years, and just recently during my insomnia.

I've been told that these nocturnal attacks are spiritual attacks from demons.  I remember praying fervently each night because I was scared to sleep, but the attacks didn't stop.

I thought it only happened to me, but have recently found that it is a common experience that can be explained through science.

When we sleep, we go into a stage called REM (rapid eye movement).  This is where we dream.  Our brain shuts down the body in order to protect us from acting out our dreams, so in a sense we become 'paralysed'.  Now sometimes we'll wake up during the REM stage, and our dream world and reality collide and produce vivid hallucinations like the 'Old Hag', and we feel there's a malevolent presence holding us down and paralysing us, when it is really something that protects us.

There are many theories about SP.  Some stay firm with the 'Old Hag'.

I want to believe in science. 

In any case, I pray that my body doesn't wake during REM anytime soon because whatever it may be, it is still damn scary.

Tafe's very lonely without Melly girl (mewmew) by my side.  I miss her heaps, so it's been great just to hang out with her after a tedious novel class where we have to watch a movie called Network which is all about screaming monologues.

Mel, I just wanna say that I love you and I'm very proud of the person and friend that you are.  I reckon I got to sleep in the end, not just cuz of watching Sasha, but cuz I got to see you again after so long :)

You rock more than Gwen Stefani, and me...I'm just your lil Hara Juku girl! :p

You are *super kawai*! ;)

Garden State is not my most favourite movie, but it will put a smile in your heart.  So, do something original if only for a minute and scream into the black holes of your life...but most importantly, let go...

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

My fear right now is never getting this novel of mine finished.  Even though I can see the brilliant ending, I'm no closer to it.  The ending is just a speck in the far off, hazy distance.  But fears can be imaginary.  We spend half our time worrying about something that probably won't even come true. 

How about childhood fears? Remember them? I remember, like most kids, being afraid of the dark, having a dimmer light and sleeping between Big Bird and Snoopy, hidden right under the covers.  God knows how I actually breathed down there in that stuffy cave.  When I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, I would sometimes take a running leap to my bed because I was afraid of what lurked under the bed.  And the cupboard...It always had to be closed.  Boogeymen you see. 

I grew out of my fear of the dark.  I prefer to sleep in pitch black than when the light is dimmed because things look different, spookier, especially when there's shadows involved.  I would rather not see anything.  Clothes piled on the floor start to take the shape of corpses in the moonlight.  Yeah, you'd think I'd grow out of my wild imagination.  It just got worse.

What were your childhood fears? Or, what do you fear now?

Night rolls in

Midnight waves lapping the shore

Where souls lie restless dreaming

Strewn with the sandman's golden dust

Under a net of fish-tailed stars

Hauled into cloud boats drifting

Across the ebony seas

By the moon's sailors humming

A lazy lullaby

Wavering on the edge of slumbering stillness

Night rolls on

Right now, my sister, Vanessa, is in Egypt with her boyfriend, Tamir, cruising the Nile...standing in the shadows of majestic pyramids.  While I struggle through assessments and assignments.  The only pyramids I'm seeing are in Stargate although I was almost blinded by the full frontal nudity in the pilot episode.  Thanx Mel ;)

I hope Tamir is looking after Vanessa.  Last time my relatives were in Egypt, my uncle and auntie were offered two camels in exchange for my cousin.

It's a dangerous place.  

Beyond the dark corridors

where night's shadow whispers

and the sleeping are shrouded in dreams

I lay a sighing kiss on her furrowed brow

as she gathers me to her heart beat

and moans aloud,

a strangled cry from twisted being

falls from her lips

and shatters at her weary feet.

She unfolds like a book

pages scattering in the wind.

Murmured thoughts,

faded dreams and unleashed fears

writhe,

and settle within my veins.

I gaze down at smoothness unblemished

as white as snow.

She grips me tightly with trembling hand

and leads me in a mad dance

where we meld,

entwined.

She cries her tears

and rests her head upon my breast

as I bleed her soul

across the page.

I was watching a countdown on one of the music channels, when one of Jesse McCartney's songs came on, with a little info thing that said: get your lifesize poster of Jesse in Smash Hits! I guess he's one of the popular pin-ups today.

I remember getting those magazines when I was a teenager, also TV Hits which was my favourite.  I had lots of teen idols that I was in love with back then.  I had the most posters of Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block.  I even tried sticking a massive one on the ceiling so I could gaze at him in bed, and always woke up with the poster on my face.  It was a sad day when the group broke up.  I cried.

So, who was or is your pin-up? 

It's all about diversions.

It's all about watching TV, chatting, dancing around, bugging your husband and being silly instead of knuckling down and doing some hardcore work.

It's all about looking for a birthday present and when you find it, you like it so much, you buy it for yourself too.

It's all about browsing, and consequently spending over $100 on more cosmetics that you probably don't need.

It's all about avoiding that nasty auntie that walks around in perpetual gloom - ducking into another supermarket aisle, and consequently buying more stuff you don't need.

It's all about Campbells beef spaghetti, that better be good Mel, or you're eating a whole platter of sashimi! (of course, I get to eat what you can't ;)

It's all about blogging when you should be writing your novel.

It's all about not looking at the bits of possum a few feet away as you bring the bins in.

It's all about sleeping and forgetting as the darkness and silence breeds undesirable thoughts.

It's all about diversions.

Or you will go insane. 

Just a few things:

Everyone scoot over to mandyt and wish my cool friend a *HAPPY BIRTHDAY*!

Meet my friend, souleater, who despite his 'playful arrogance' is really a nice guy :)

Hi to the adorable mewmew, who kept me up late, past my bedtime ;) but I love yas!

I am going to Billy Corgan's concert July 26th! I am excited to the Max! Any Billy fans out there who are excited for me? So many of my friends were like...'Who's that?' when I told them...*Such a Shame* :|

Another groovy dance number by Armand Van Helden.  The guys especially will enjoy this and want that pair of sunnies! Check it out...

Into Your Eyes

Requires Windows Media Player

P.S If you are offended by lots of flesh and skimpiness, then this is not for you...You have been warned :p

For the students out there, this is for you:

Grades don't matter, it's the learning that counts.  Besides, even eggs get graded.

And, where does this quote come from?

From little Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie.  Man, I love this show.  Whenever I'm feeling down, it picks me right up and makes me smile :D

When you have severe writers block, it's good not only to catch episodes of a Seinfeld marathon, but to catch up with your loved ones, well some are loved ;).  I think I spent most of the day and night talking to people.  Caught up with my cousin, Ben, had a 3 hour conversation with my mother-in-law (joy), nattered and bitched to mewmew, chatted to the clueless ringoboy who is mandyt 's biggest fan, and had some deep and meaningfuls with  whitechapel - we could have gone till midnight, Dave! It's always good talking to other writers about the frustrating but joyous craft, but it would have been great if I could write as much as I talked yesterday :p

But one of the best and cutest conversations was on msn with my two sisters, Vanessa and Fiona (fiwee ) Vanessa's in Israel after a 10-day tour in Egypt and Fiona was home alone studying for an exam.  This is some of it:

Fiona: The doll (porcelain doll my mum made) is scary...on ur bed (Vanessa's).  Mum puts it there and I'm scared to move it.

Me: hehe I've seen em.  You should just close the door.

Fiona: No, I'm scared.

Vanessa: haha

Fiona: Don't want to upset it

Me: hehe (I'm really cracking up)

Vanessa: It might start moving and walking towards you

Fiona: Then it will become evil

Vanessa: Put a cross around it

Fiona: What?

Vanessa: That's what I did with my golliwog

Me: (still laughing)...That golliwog is evil

Vanessa: I know, it has fierce eyebrows.

And so it went on :D

I left the conversation telling Fiona to call me if the doll started terrorising her.

Gotta love your siblings :D

Have fun in Israel, Vanessa and hope your exam went well today, Fiona! :D

I am very pleased to be finally heading back to the great land down under
:)
It will be a real thrill!!

- from Billy Corgan's blog (www.billycorgan.com), June 10.

I am so excited to be finally seeing you, Billy! YAY! It will be a real thrill indeed!  :D

I'm dead.

I have no feeling in my fingers.

I finished my 8 page booklet for design & layout.

I forgot to put a space between the top pic and top panel border...and it's too late now...GAHHHHH!

But I don't care.

Our lovely teacher, Mary is gone and left us with a total ass of a Swinburne graduate. 

My motivation, inspiration and perfectionism left too.

*Sigh* I still spent 13 bloody hours straight on the damn thing!

Sometimes I like to look at my network and see all the profile pics I have 'collected' all this time I've been on Mindsay.  It's like collecting cards, and I have a lot of favourite ones.  I'm a sucker for cool profile pics, and I like to browse other peoples' networks and check out their profile pics...I will always visit the cool ones! :D

Some of my faves in my network are:

mewmew (i do love her dark angel!)

fiwee (the racoon is as cute as she is!)

koko (cuz it is phantom of the opera after all! :p)

kimchi (i'm not a cat person, but her kitty is so cute)

stormychika (similar to mewmew)

matches (go batman!)

napkinshoe (tres chic)

wildearrows (she's always got the coolest ones!)

Who are your fave 'cards'?

Luv the Jestar who's always on the lookout for some cool cards! :D

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY to mah MELLY GIRL!* mewmew 

Luv Always, eS, hoops & yoyo! :D

I have officially started my holidays for three weeks, and I'm damn bored - that or I'm completely exhausted that I can't think straight. 

*Wonders what to do*

Anyone watch Supernanny? I love JoJo! I'm thinking that I need a schedule and routine...Slip in lots of naps, milk and cookies, playtimes, storytime before bed...yeah! and of course, try to get my writing done and hit the gym or I'll end up on the naughty chair! oooooh...I need that kind of discipline methinks :)

*Unacceptable, Jestar!* :p

I'm back from Melly Girl's Birfday party.  I didn't get any sleep - not cuz of my sleeping buddy Naomi, or because Dave slept like the dead...but maybe cuz of the multitude of snores that surrounded me, and what sounded like the thundering of elephants next door.  Still, I had a lot of fun.  We went to Sakura and had a Japanese dinner.  Scott and I shared sashimi, sushi and tatsuta age (fried chicken) and wolfed all that down pretty quickly.  Yum Yum! My tummy grumbles anew with the thought of it.  But the best part was watching Mel eat sashimi and almost choke on it (she doesn't appreciate it *tsk tsk*).  She went red as a tomato.  She was so adorable with her Pocohontas plaits and jelly snakes hanging from her mouth last night and today - so cute!  I think my most favourite Melly moment was seeing her open her big present from all of us - a mini ipod.  I have never seen someone so enamoured with an ipod, and so far she only has five songs on it!

Ah, but it's great to see her so happy :)

So, lots of happies to you, Melly Girl, and thanks for a great party! I enjoyed lots of things...like your cheesecake, and too salty fried rice, Kate's interesting ways of eating things...and your general cuteness...you always make me laugh...It was great just hanging out with the gang :D

*small*...

Big is one of my most favourite movies ever.  Its bittersweetness leaves you with nostalgia and a lump in your throat.

While the character of Josh Baskin wanted to Big because he felt so small, I sometimes wish I was small again because I feel too big...

Remember those days when you were small, and primary school was your whole world and your best friend was the most important thing in the world? Your mum and dad looked after you and your problems were smaller.  In the world of kids, dwelt honesty, not the fake and cordial smiles of today where we hide in secrets and behind masks.  You could always trust a kid to tell the truth.

Not to say that being a kid was hard, because in a lot of ways it was and when we look back we tend to remember and glorify those memories of our younger days.

But sometimes you wish you could be back there where life was just about you, your best friend and the playground.  

I finally got around to watching the much talked about Napoleon Dynamite.  Its deadpan comedy had me grinning...here are a few of my fave lines:

Kid on Bus: What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon Dynamite: Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Gosh!

Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon Dynamite: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: What?

Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.

Don: Hey, Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?
Napoleon Dynamite: I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Don: Did you shoot any?
Napoleon Dynamite: Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
Don: What kind of gun did you use?
Napoleon Dynamite: A freakin' 12-gauge, what do you think?

Napoleon Dynamite: Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore.

Napoleon Dynamite: [referring to Deb's milk] I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.

Deb: What are you drawing?
Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
Deb: What's a liger?
Napoleon Dynamite: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

'Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.'

- Clark Gable as Rhett Butler, Gone With the Wind

The #1 US movie quote according to the American Institute of Film.

And to think that they were going to take out that line because it was risky.

Also in the top 100 were two other Gone with the Wind quotes from Vivien Leigh (Scarlett O'Hara):

After all, tomorrow is another day (#31)

As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again (#59)

Makes me want to watch Gone with the Wind for the 50-somethingth time now...

I thought I had lost it.

I thought my days were over.

Then I turned on the switch.

Loaded the game.

Picked up my wavebird.

And the controls that I thought I had forgotten.

Came back naturally.

I got the fever -

For shooting mad villagers...and creepy monks...chainsaw folk...monsters...

For Resident Evil 4!

This is my favourite shot - altho I do it with a handgun from a further distance ;)

Yay for the holidays and gaming bliss...I'm now itching to complete my Zelda game collection, but will content myself with playing the Oracle series and may even start Windwaker! My house is a treasure trove of mint and unplayed games that I am currently exploring - This is to stop me from buying more that I can't afford right now. 

And before my soul sista, G. gets on my case about that schedule I've still got to assemble (which I'll slot lots of gaming into)...let me escape into a mad, mad world. 

If only for a little while...;)

I've gone and done it.  I've drawn up an official schedule/timetable.  I've included 10 hours of gym a week and about 24 hours of writing work a week (not including the 15 hours or so of tafe).  I think it looks pretty good...there's some breathing space too.  I hope I can stick to it.  *GULPS*

I've bummed around enough these holidays I think :p

Wish me luck :|

The morning was foggy, just like my mind, but I managed to eat a good, healthy cereal and dragged my butt to the gym.  Before I could pass throught the gates though, I had to pay $20 just to replace a stupid little membership tag I had lost because the flimsy thing broke on my keychain.

I did a good hour on the treadmill, distance of about 4 kms while I watched others - a lot of anorexic others - do brisk workouts for about 10 minutes before they disappeared elsewhere.  There was nothing good showing on the TVs, so I listened to my ipod.  I got Black Eyed Peas Monkey Business album yesterday that put a bit of a groove into the old treadmill step :D I thought it would be good to try a few dance steps, but I think I would have slid off the treadmill in my attempt and look stupid too :p

After the workout, with legs all tingly and regaining my sense of balance, I toddled off to Blockbuster to catch up on all the movies I've missed at the cinema.  While I was there, with Hide and Seek in my hand I heard a boy shout out: 'I don't want to watch that, it's chinese!' He was about to shout it to his friend again, when he saw me, and he stood stunned, with his mouth open.  He shoved his friend away from me, and I heard him whispering 'It's chinese!' and then giggled with his friend.  I felt like saying: 'No boys, it's actually japanese' (they were looking at 'The Grudge') but I just ignored them.

It's funny that my two overt experiences with racism have come from kids.  The first time was in Italy, where you don't see asians at all, except for tourists who are mainly japanese.  It's no wonder I kept on being greeted with 'Konichiwa' .  But then again, it was nice to be thought of as Japanese.  A lot of people think I'm japanese, even the japanese themselves, which is really cool :D Anyway, I got a kick out of putting on my ocker aussie accent and saying 'G'day' and watching the Italian people's eyes get big and round to which they stammered: 'Are you from Australia? But you look...' And I really had to drill it into them that Australia was a multicultural country with plenty of asians.  The ignorance there was unbelievable.  I was even 'shown off' like a freak show amusement: 'She's from Australia!'   I think my sister got the biggest kick out of being aussie in Italy when we were passing under a bridge on a gondola in Venice.  A whole lot of students were crossing and my sister shouted out to them, and they all screamed and waved like we were celebrities...Yeah, travels in Europe were...weird...

I had a grilled fish and chips for lunch and watched Hide and Seek.  The fish was good, the movie was bad.

So here I am, totally neglecting my scheduled work time.  *Mumbles*....I'll be getting back now...catcha later. 

Anyone read French Women Don't get Fat by Mireille Guiliano? I am inspired by her philosophy and the interesting tips and tricks to being healthy and losing weight, but most importantly, enjoying food.

So many diets out there deprive you of food that you enjoy.  What happens when you lose the weight? Most probably you'd go on a binge and put the pounds back on, and then some.

The french love their food.  I am well aware of this from my french mother-in-law, who was all about the food.  Long supermarket shopping trips and hours of preparation, and then the dining would take up a lot of time.  When she made dessert and I said I couldn't have any because I was dieting, she exclaimed that I would do my dieting when she had left.  The french don't understand the concept of 'dieting' let alone do it.

It all comes back to the classic lines of eating in moderation (most of us eat more than we need to), drinking lots of water and exercising.

When did food become a chore or a guilt-laden action?

Now, here's a challenge that sounds so simple, but we seldom think of: Why not incorporate a love and joy of food too? Yep, chew every bite to get the max flavour rather than wolfing down in front of the TV or other such distractions.

Sounds good to me.   

There's something about Vince Vaughn that I just don't like...I haven't seen him in much movies (the last one was 'Old School'), but I just...despise him...Who knows why we hate certain celebrities in the media? :p

Anyway, as I was waiting in line at the supermarket, I looked at the various magazine covers and saw 'Jen is getting back at Brad with New Hunk Vince Vaughn'...Oh please...Brad Pitt is better any day.

I've sung my way to midnight and now I have to stop because my cheeks hurt, and my throat is sore :p I was pulling out all my old dusty cds and listening to songs that tug at the heart with remembered hurts and pains.  I could almost see myself singing those songs long ago. 

Then there's a song that always made me happy.  I remember it most from the movie: Mermaids where Cher, Winona Ryder and a cute lil Christina Ricci dance around the kitchen.  You know it?

It's If you Wanna be Happy by Jimmy Soul.  But I never listened to the lyrics properly until now:

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her, then she starts
Doin' the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
You'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks your meals on time
An she'll always give you peace of mind

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly and her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

Hehe...:D

I'm walking away...From the troubles in my life...I'm walking away...To find a better day...

- Craig David

Life is full of discouragements and negativity, but it's also full of blessings and positivity. I was reading Our Daily Bread from RBC Ministries, and there was an encouraging entry, just when I needed it. 

A minister took out a large piece of paper and drew a black dot in the center of it.  Then he held up the piece of paper and asked what everyone saw.  They said: "I see a black mark."  When the minster asked, "What else?" The only response was silence.

"I'm really surprised," the minister said.  "You have completely overlooked the most important thing of all - the sheet of paper."

So often we are fixated and distracted by the dots in our lives and forget about the blessings that we have everyday. 

As you travel down life's pathway, may this ever be your goal: Keep your eye upon the doughnut, and not upon the hole!

Next time you bite into a scrummy doughnut...remember this :)

Have a fabulous day :D

Thanx to my entertaining friend: TheDjinni   

I sloganized my way to some much needed laughter...try it yourself at: http://www.sloganizer.net/en/

No Jestar, no kiss.

Jestar: The Perfect Entertainer.

Jestar strikes back.

Nonstop Jestar.

Everyone loves Jestar.

Jestar - a safe place in an unsafe world!

Jestar extra dry.

You can't beat Jestar.

Jestar. The power on your side.

My way is Jestar.

Jesus loves Jestar.

Can you feel it? Jestar.

Feel the magic of Jestar.

Take what you want, but leave Jestar alone!

The Queen of Jestar.

Things go better with Jestar.

Are you ready for Jestar?

The Jestar Effect

Don't mess with Jestar.

Jestar.  One name.  One legend.

Oh my goddess.  It's a Jestar.

Jestar - Yabba Dabba Duh!

Ok...I'm Jestared out...That was a good pick me up tho :D

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.

In high school which one was/is most you?

The brain

The athlete

The basketcase

The princess

or

The criminal?

These are the last days before I go back to tafe on Wednesday to a lil class rightly dubbed by Miss Melly: 'Pop Fuck' (Popular Fiction)...Gee Gary I can't wait to see you again...Why'd the holidays have to come to an end just when I was starting to have so much fun?

What have these holidays consisted of?

Trying portion control although when pods came into the picture (crispy shells filled with mars bar bits) it was very hard.  And I think I like cheese too much.

Exercising.  I think I went to the gym once...did a few 1 hour walks here and there mostly after dropping my car off at the mechanics and going to pick it up again on two occasions.  I like what Carrie said in Sex and The City: I don't go to the gym.  Shopping is my cardio - which leads me to:

Shopping.  I did a lot of shopping these holidays.  Shopping is all round therapy for me.  Whether I'm happy, sad, pissed off, stressed out...whatever...there's nothing like the fix of buying something :D After a while I thought, ok...let's try staying away from the shops, but that's when I discovered TVSN (TV Shopping Network)...

Jan got his PR - My husband finally got his permanent residence in Australia.  Whoo hoo! It just took us over 2 and a half years...I love my cutie.

I got HDs - Yesssss...HDs mean High Distinctions.  And I got them for all my subjects last semester.  Aren't I a square?

Spending time with friends. Not as much as I'd like to, but it's been quality time and I've enjoyed myself muchly.  Luvya guys...

Ann & Leon - you guys are like my siblings without the fighting ;) Dunno what I'd do without your love, strength and guidance.

Melly -  I call her my lil sis...Can't get enough of our deep and meaningfuls...altho a little less burping would be good *takes away her coke*...So adorable ;) *hugs* (cuz she secretly loves em!)

Jarrod - So cool seeing you again and your hip parents! I particularly enjoyed your soothing music - I should call you when I have insomnia! You're one of the nicest guys in the world...*personal cheer for Jarrod*

Dave - You know I'm proud of you and admire your self-discipline and dedication...

Sarah - You've got your 12 Kingdoms now...I hope you're happy :D *wants to see Sarah shop even more!*

Scott - Well, the extent of our converstions have been purely online cuz someone's been playing too much Warcraft and getting hungover...But it was fun sharing sashimi & chicken with ya way back at Mel's party.

Mandy - I just don't get to talk to you enough! hehe...Must rectify this matter but I know you're a busy girl :D *hugs*

Gaming.  I've mostly played Resident Evil 4 on gamecube and Zelda: Minish Cap on gba.

TV/Movies: The highlights: Napoleon Dynamite and 3rd time round of Sex and the City.

Stress galore. Jan, Ann & Leon have been the prime witnesses to my slow decay into madness. But...it's getting better, hopefully as I adjust to the ever shifting planes in my life.  That's why the holidays have consisted of a lot of shopping and gaming instead of working on my novel *ahem*...

Tafe has started again and the amount of work Gary has scheduled for us for both Popular Fiction and Novel has got me staring off into space and trying to process it.  Brain says: I'm tired, can we crawl into bed right now and forget about it?

I'm glad that Desktop Publishing is pretty basic at the moment.  We're learning how to use Adobe InDesign and that's been fun experimenting with pictures then going off to surf the net...and *quick teacher is coming to check on progress - back to experimenting with picture!* I think Jarrod was the only one doing any work.  Sarah kept on blogging, Scott was gazing at miniatures online and Cemil (souleater )...well, Cemil...I dunno what he was doing, but sloganizer came up with: everything's simple with Cemil...so that must be it :p

Popular Fiction started with nearly half the class away (including Scott who told me he wasn't there because of personal problems...Must've been *in pyjamas playing Warcraft* problems), then it was one on one interviews with Gary to discuss last semester's assignments.  This got me all nervous...All of a sudden I felt like I was back in primary school, but this time I didn't have my mummy or daddy to protect me! But then again, they always agreed with the teachers and said: 'Yes, Esther's too quiet' sometimes even before the teachers even opened their mouths! Anyway, Gary had some good things to say like I was a big fish in a small pond, ahead of others, ahead of my game and really treated me as if I was on the road to getting published which was an encouraging thing, but he puts me in a totally different category from everyone else and judges me more harshly :|

My novel interview was surprisingly pleasant.  Apparently my novel is a beautiful piece of work, a stimulating and page-turning read...the only criticism was my 'overuse of commas' which brought me down 3 marks.  To think I could have gotten full marks if not for the commas...Before anyone thinks I'm bragging here, it's not about that, but it's more a rarity that Gary says anything good at all, and looks at the bigger picture.  Usually he's too general, or technically anal even if he can't spell.

Novel has accelerated to a pace that's stressing me out.  Workshopping occurs almost fortnightly which means having to write new chapters sooner (especially when Gary is in your group and he'll know if you're cheating with older chapters which we've revised, yeah we have!) and talking about marketing and publishing of your novel.  We can't help laughing when we're starting on book proposals because 'you must have almost finished your novel...' *yeah right*

We have to think, how are you going to sell your book? What are your strategies? Hey, I thought I'd cross that bridge when I get there...*FIRST* I'll actually finish writing my novel and then we can talk publishing...but looks like I've gotten to that bridge now.  I might have a heart attack and will probably die because according to Cemil's Hard and Fast Facts 101 If you're young and have a heart attack you'll probably die, but if you're older, you have more of a chance of surviving a heart attack because your heart grows more veins as you get older...Who knows where Cemil gets his facts from...Some urban legend medical journal online no doubt.

But that heart attack is fast approaching...:| 

I had to wake up early today.  My encouragement? Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  I went to the Glen just after 9am and thus avoided the crowds and queues I was a part of when Order of the Phoenix came out last time.  Target had shelves and shelves of the books.  I picked up at least ten different copies to find the perfect one - checking it thoroughly for imperfections - dents, bumps, marks or creases.  You have to laugh at those who pre-ordered at bookstores like Dymocks who paid more and are actually handed their copies in sealed paper bags...who knows what kind of copy they ended up getting.  I *shudder* at the thought...I'm fussy that way.

Everywhere I looked young and old had a copy of Harry Potter clutched in their hands.  At the cash register everyone behind and in front of me was buying the book.  Harry Potter music was playing.  Harry Potter merchandise was overflowing.  Caped sales assistants and Harry and Hermoine lookalikes strolled around with wands. 

The place had gone potty with Potter.  As soon as I could, I got out of there.  I had my copy, that's all that mattered :)

Funny how you think of a person who is no longer in your life.  During weird moments, I'll think of her and even go looking for her on the net.  There's pictures of her and things she's written.  She looks the same, but a lot fatter and her career for the past five years has been in the realm of records keeping.  How boring.  It makes me smile thinking my life might be more interesting than hers.  Then I feel bad.  No doubt, the hurts aren't fully healed.

The white peacock is a very important symbol in my novel.  Isn't it beautiful?

*officially gets back to her novel* :|

I have started screening my calls, or in other words, letting the phone ring and not answering it.  Now you might think me lazy, especially nicely ensconsed in my nook of the couch watching Everybody Loves Raymond and procrastinating on my novel although I might add I have made progress with - Chapter 10 progress that is :)

Anyway, besides the annoying marketing surveys and foreigners trying to sell you mobiles, one sunny afternoon, I got a call from a robot.

We've all heard those automated calls that tell you to hold the line because you are a worthy customer and your service is important to us.  Well that sounds kinda human.  This voice was totally robotic.  I could barely understand it.  The robot said 'Is this....(something something) place?' And I answered: WHAT?! The robot kept on saying Hel-lo? Hel-lo? Hel-lo? I quickly hung up.

Scary.

Who needs pain to survive?

I need pain to change my life...

- Billy Corgan, The CameraEye

I am so psyched for Billy Corgan's concert on Tuesday, 26th! I got his solo album: TheFutureEmbrace today and can't stop listening to it.  My favourite song is Mina Loy (M.O.H).  Billy is a musical and writing talent.  His music is candy for the soul, and I have been spoiled rotten.  No other music has moved, inspired or touched me this much in a while...

YAY FOR BILLY! :D

P.S Go here: http://www.myspace.com/billycorgan to listen to some of his songs!

 I love this song, I was reminded of it when I watched an episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' called 'The Game' in Season 1.  Robert sings it to one of the twins as he rocks him to sleep...So beautiful...

Danny Kaye also sings it in the Hans Christian Andersen film. 

Sunday was an eventful day.  Dave (whitechapel)  got baptised during service, and I'm still blown away by his amazing testimony that I'm sure encouraged a few people to make their way to the altar! Dave you are indeed an inspiration, so proud of you! :D Now, it's Melly's turn...:p

Another big event, and this is just for Melly girl, was the hot drummer.  And Mel, just so you can put a name to the face, Matt tells me it's probably Tim Chisolm! Ooooh...:D

When you're a kid, you're not afraid and your heart is wide open.

Life is about having fun.

When you're older, you're always afraid and your heart is guarded.

Life is about being scared.

When did the fun stop and the fear begin?

The world slipped away when Billy Corgan stepped on stage.  I felt one with the experience, the throb that beat in my blood, the music that electrified my spirit and the voice that had me enraptured.

What an awesome performance.  I was blown away.

Billy played most of his songs from TheFutureEmbrace album and also included a few other rock songs.  There was a dazzling electronic light display, two keyboardists and a dancing, very cool drummer.

My favourite part of the show was when Billy came to our side and serenaded us with his guitar.  He was so close (we were in the 3rd row from the front).  All I could do was grin stupidly and scream and clap.  His voice was perfection.  He sounds amazing on the album, and phenomenal live.

So the crowd didn't get on their feet until more than half way through the concert, and some idiots had to ruin Billy's intimate talk with us at the end by yelling shit that eventually got Billy fed up, dropping his microphone and walking off the stage in a huff...I didn't get to shake his hand, or be one of the gutsy girls who got onto the stage to hug him...

But...

Billy held my heart and soul as he performed his heart and soul out.

I couldn't ask for more.

I love you, Billy!

Special Shoutouts to Fiona and Dan! I hope you enjoyed yourselves as much as I did!

I am living in a fantasy world.  I just finished writing a cover letter and book proposal for a novel class assignment.

I anticipate that I'll finish my novel of 80,000-100,000 words next February (so far I've only got 19,000).

I believe its unique in exploring a little known historical group in a fantasy setting.

The rest is fantasy.

I don't have a top literary agent called Sandy Murkowitz (don't ask me where I got the name from) who got me a date with the editor of Harper Collins who is interested in my book, but I put her in the covering letter anyway hehe...

I hope Gary gives me my full 10%...Yeah that's all it's worth.  I kill myself for perfection :p

Now onto my seminar presentation where I have to talk about how I'm going to get my book published...*Sigh*  

I had a disturbing dream last night.  I dreamt that my family and friends left me behind and went on a spaceship apparently never to return.  They had all found a better place, and a better life on some other planet.  I cried and cried.  Then, they all returned and I was so happy...

No doubt these are dreams produced from anxiousness about being left alone.  My husband, Jan is leaving for Thailand for 2 weeks soon, and I often think of the friends I have now, especially those at tafe and wonder how long they will last after tafe is over...

Better to live in the moment, I guess...I worry way too much about the future :|

When Fuu saves the lives of two wandering samurai, they have to promise to help her find a mysterious samurai who smells like sunflowers...

This is the premise of Shinichiro Watanabe's kick ass anime: Samurai Champloo...It has style, it has grace, it has story, cool characters, smooth moves, gorgeous art, humour and hip hop music.

Along with Watanabe's other gem: Cowboy Bebop, this is one of my favourite favourite animes at the moment :D

Check it out, if you haven't already!

everytime I start

reachin' out to find you

loneliness abounds

pretty, pretty STAR

only you remind me

that only love can blind

every time I start

emptiness confounds me

loneliness astounds me

pretty, pretty STAR

it's me and you

in all I choose

- Billy Corgan, Pretty, Pretty Star

I had a block on today's pop fic writing exercise.  We had to choose a line and use it in a refrain for about 8-10 paragraphs.  I couldn't write anything, so I wrote: I can't write...and ended up meandering about gems, muck and finally a potato king...

What is writer's block to you?

We watched writers talk about this, and I identified with one who said that writer's block is especially prevalent among new or emerging writers and is about a failing confidence.  A lot of the time I've been blocked with my novel is this very fear of failing.  That's why my writer self is in a disastrous marriage with my editor self and the two can't work it out.  The editor is the one who wins in the end, and so I write, and rewrite trying for perfection because anything below that is not good enough.

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my writing because it is within my control.

How about you? How do you deal with writer's block?

I have been listening to Billy Corgan and thinking about him so much that it was only a matter of time before I dreamt of him, and last night I did! We were close, and he'd play songs for me and talk to me about all kinds of stuff.  It was nice...

It's cool to dream of celebrities...

What celebrities have you dreamt of?

I have never thought I was worth enough.  When I was younger, I gave the best that I had away as presents to friends to make up for the little I thought of myself.  I've grown up since then, but I still carry those demons of self-doubt with me.

My husband has left for two weeks overseas, and I tried to look on the bright side.  This way I can spend more time with my family and friends, I thought.  So I decided to throw a little party for my friends.  And it hurts when someone who you thought was a good friend, comes up with a question and then a statement that glaringly tells you, you're not good enough.

I love my friends, but sometimes I wonder about some of them.  I try my best to go out of my way and organise things.  One of my friends has come to the conclusion that if he isn't asked out or called by his friends, then they must not care about him.  Sometimes I feel the same way.  Sometimes I'm the only one asking out and contacting friends.

I keep on trying, doing my best to make everyone happy except for myself.

My husband isn't here to give me a hug and wipe away my tears...I miss him more than I thought I would.

To my dear friends: Cemil, Dave, Mandy, Martyn, Mel, Naomi, Sarah & Scott,

We sure had fun, singing the night, and then the next day away (that is, Mel, Naomi & Sarah who couldn't get enough - Dave got bored and left pretty soon...hehe).

Singstar was so much fun! We'll definitely do it again...

Thanx for a wonderful time...You're all stars :D

P.S Thanx Naomi for the yummy duck eggs...I'm about to eat some yum yum...

It's past midnight and I ate a bag egg.  My tummy's chucking wobblies and my characters are running away.  Don't ask me where...But I guess it will be fun to find them...Maybe... What is the world coming to? All alone in a drafty house with the wind blowing in my head thoughts that scream and go unsaid...

Ok, the egg is talking...

Time to go to bed.

Horror is not zombies feasting on human flesh in Land of the Dead.

The real horror isn't in the realms of fantasy where once bitten you become a mindless walking corpse on the hunt for warm human flesh, but in the poorest parts of China where life is cheap.  I heard a missionary named Donald talk about his work there and it was utterly heartbreaking.  Most of us have comfy lives and complain about the littlest things when there are people out there in the world just struggling to survive.

Babies are thrown out with the garbage and found in tips because they have deformities or are disabled in some way.  A state orphanage had children tied to chairs the whole day with holes cut in their pants, and holes cut in the seat of the chairs so if they needed to go to the toilet, they were already in one.  It was only at night that they were put to bed.  In the back there was a dark little room called The Dying Room where kids drew their last breaths.  Donald held onto the hand of a five-year-old boy who was nothing but skin and bones and wondered what this boy ever had to live for.

This particular orphanage has since been transformed with proper help and care, but the babies are still dumped in the tip and on their doorstep.  One -25C day, a little boy was found on the doorstep of the orphanage, his face frostbitten.  There was a swelling tumour in his face that continued to swell so much that his eye popped out of its socket.  When consulted in a hospital, there was nothing the doctors could do.  If they took the tumour out, the boy would have a hole in his face.  So all they could do was keep him comfortable until the day he died.

When you think you're having a bad day, think of these children and Thank God for how lucky you are.  

My teacher, Gary, picked on me in class today.  I had to say my opinion and read out loud a lot, including the two writing exercises we had to do in class.  Sometimes I am glad that teachers pick on me, otherwise I sit there in silence, not having the courage to volunteer anything.

Same with questions.  If you ask, I'll usually answer.  If you don't ask, then I'll stay silent.

I wonder if it is better to stay silent.  If something pains me I hate saying it.  I hate putting my vulnerability in other people's hands.  Each time I repeat this pain, I fall apart a little more.

Sometimes I think it's the silence that keeps me together and when I open my mouth it all falls apart.

When I think of primary school, it was one the happiest times of my life, but it seems I haven't grown past the little girl I was, sitting in corners, alone and left out...Waiting, always waiting for someone to notice and tell me something different.  I'd watch others play games, and field balls that rolled down the hillside and collect them like an eager puppy.

I took what I got.  Even the scraps that were thrown my way.

It seems everyone's got someone better to be with, someplace better to be.  While I stand waiting on the outside. Waiting for someone to show me something different.

The fantasy genre, although an exceedingly popular market especially with the advent of the Harry Potter series is sorely underrated.  The Melbourne Writer's Festival is on at the moment, and 90% of the seminars are devoted to crime.  There was one fantasy seminar, tucked away in an Umbrella Event with one of Australia's top fantasy writers: Isobelle Carmody.

She was fascinating and one of the most entertaining of writers I've heard talk in a long time.  She said the only reason she was here in this world was because she hadn't found the cupboard into the World of Narnia yet.  She wished she could talk to animals, and when she was younger would stare at animals for hours on end trying to get them to talk to her.  She would sit under trees and thought if she listened hard enough, she'd understand what they whispered about.  In the twisted, fairytale lanes of Prague and its wild forests and secret basements she dreamed up the protagonist for her recent book: Little Fur, a little elf troll who wondered about why humans did the things that they did.

In fantasy and science fiction, imagination spreads far and wide with no boundaries or limitations.  It expands your mind and makes you wonder: What if? Even literature had its beginnings in the realms of fantasy with the myths and legends of old.    

My friend, Martyn: noiseonthewires brings up an interesting debate.  Please visit him and leave your thoughts.

What would the world be without fantasy? Without magic and the things that are beyond human sight? It would be a dull world indeed.

Two monks were walking by a river when they came across a damsel in distress. She asked the monks if they would help her cross the river. 'Of course,' said the older monk and carried her across, setting her on the other side where she went on her way. The younger monk reprimanded the older monk. 'We are not supposed to pick up ladies!' The older monk replied: 'I know, but I have stopped carrying her. You, on the other hand, are carrying her still.'

All of us still carry some part of the past with us, and some of us nurse those ghosts and let them haunt us, settling in our sadness, our regrets and our mistakes.

But God wants us to let go. He wants us to die to our past and be free from it.

You need to be freed from in order to be free for others.

This was one of the most heartfelt messages I received from Michael Duncan, a wonderful man who talked to us at this year's Women's Dare Conference at my church.

Be happy in the present and look forward to the future :) 

The Triplets of Belleville is a brilliant and delightful film.  Through surreal, vivid imagery and little dialogue, we are treated to a hilarious and touching story.

When Madame Souza finds out that her grandson, Champion, loves cycling she trains him for the Tour De France.  During this contest, Champion is kidnapped by the French mafia.  Madame Souza and the faithful dog, Bruno set out to rescue him with the help of The Triplets of Belleville, renowned singers from the '30s who enjoy eating frogs.

It will make you smile and swing along to the music!  

Definitely a movie I must add to my DVD collection.

The cutest little porcupine babies :D

Everyone say: awwwwww...

I enjoyed Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  It was inventive and visually stunning.  Johnny Depp is an amazing actor who had some great one-liners.  I thought it was interesting that Tim Burton centered on Willy Wonka and his life story.  However, I still prefer the original and Gene Wilder's Wonka.  It had more heart I think.

I also find it quite interesting that Tim Burton who was and may still be an outsider himself, likes to focus on lone characters, usually outsiders or outcasts, and their sad lot in life.  When you think about it, all his movies have been about some kind of outsider...Willy Wonka was the perfect vehicle for this continual theme.

Anyway, for those who haven't seen the movie yet, you'll especially enjoy the trippy ride that only Tim Burton's genius can produce.

Oolong the rabbit was owned by photographer Hironori Akutagawa and became famous for the art of Hirinori or Head Performance - balancing objects on one's head.

Here is Oolong balancing a senbei or rice cracker on his head.  He was also known for balancing other food like pancakes.

Why am I writing about rabbits? Because after much musing of my next novel chapter, I thought of a rabbit as its central theme...and I did some research and came across Oolong :)

Sometimes, when I wake in the morning, I'll lie there for an hour or so, thinking of things.  Thoughts that pin me down and make it harder to get out of bed.  It's not a good start to the day when you feel like crawling under the covers and going back to sleep so you don't have to think about anything.  Let the dreams take over and live in the bizarre madness for a while.

I can't believe that it's September.  Next month it'll be my birthday...*yay* :| 2nd year of tafe is almost over and it will be the final year for most with next year being the one or two subject finish up stage.  I know I'm going to miss it immensely.  There is a security in studying, timetables and assignments...I've learned so much from some great teachers and my writing is all the better for it, but most of all I'll miss the friends I've made there.  Who knows if our friendships will last after tafe is over.  Who knows if they want it to last with me? Or if I even want to be friends with certain people anymore...The last best friend I ever had completely ruined me to the point where I don't feel I trust anyone anymore.  I'm good at the pushing away and withdrawing.  If you give me a reason to leave you, I'll take it with greedy hands and go.  My heart's been broken too many times.  And yet, I still give it my all.  Sometimes you give more than you get, but that's what my life has always been about.  Maybe the thing that makes me keep on going this way is that I know I'm doing right and that I'll have nothing to regret...really?

I also think of my novel.  It has been the most important thing these past two years.  I know I haven't gotten as far with it as I would've liked, but everytime I sit down and write, I'm the happiest soul in the world.  Writing a novel is also the hardest work I've ever done in my life.  And that's why I get so upset when others don't take it seriously.  Only a few people including my teacher read my novel.  It makes me sad because if I never get published, that's the only audience I'll ever have.  But in the end, I write for me.  It can be extremely lonely though...One reason my characters have become flesh and blood to me.  Where do your characters come from ultimately? All my characters come from me.  It's like they're working through my shit, and maybe they'll succeed and come out clean on the other side.  That's also what makes a novel hard to write, the soul searching and tearing it goes through.

Enough of the rambling...Sorry I've been away for a while.  This blog needs a major resurrection.  I've been so busy with work or busy relaxing :p...I've been playing lots of games: Bejewelled 2, Chuzzle and Zuma.  They are addictive games from the Yahoo games section.  You can download and try them out for 60 minutes.  But of course after that hour is up, you have to pay for the games, and so I did :)  I finished watching Angel Season 5 last night.  The ending was controversial for many, but listening to the commentary by one of the writers, it cemented my understanding of  the ambiguity of it and I applaud them for that.  Joss Whedon is a genius and I hope that he comes back with another TV series...Buffy and Angel are two of my most favourite shows and I know I'll keep watching them over and over again.  I've started watching Angel again already. 

So that's it for this morn...Have a good day everyone and hopefully I'll catcha soon! :)

P.S Had so much fun with you, Jarrod.  I have found a shopping buddy! YAY! We'll have to do it all over again and get those items that we missed out on...;)

The only Hitchcock film I've ever watched is Psycho, until now...I just finished watching what is considered Hitchock's greatest film: Vertigo.  I found it compelling viewing and a chilling portrait of obsession.  It's interesting to know that this film mirrors Hitchock's obsession with blondes, most notably, Grace Kelly. 

Vertigo is part of a trilogy of Hitchcock films along with Psycho and Rear Window that carry the theme of fatal sexual obsession with the blonde heroine.

Lots of voyeurism.  Wonder if Hitchock indulged in that too.  

P.S one of the suggested tags that came up was: laptop obsession...hmmm...sometimes I indulge in that ;)

When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here - someone that will go all the way, no matter what. So don't lose hope... you'll see that there's still heroes in this world.

- Doyle, Angel: Hero

This is one of the last things the character of Doyle says before he sacrifices himself and dies on his short lived 9 episodes on Angel.  He was one of the best characters and I cried...I wondered why they even killed his character off and when I went to do a search about it on the net, I found out that Glenn Quinn died on December 3, 2002 from a heroin overdose which made his death on that episode even more poignant.

He was also known for playing the role of Mark in Roseanne.

What a shame...I would've liked to see more of him.

Come inside and have a cup of tea with the missus...

Remember the worm from Labyrinth? How gorgeous is he?!

OK...so Britney gave birth to a baby boy and is thinking of calling him London because that's where her love blossomed with Kevin...

Is she trying to copy the Beckhams? :p

She is gorgeous.

She said whenever she sees me, I stand out from the crowd with my beautiful face and clothes.

She called me a princess.

She loves my creativity and intelligence.

She makes me turn red.

She makes me feel like I could do anything and everything...

She gives me self-worth...those things I hate about my life are no longer there...

It's a perfect meeting of the minds and I feel I've found a soul sister.

I've never met someone who is so on my level before...

She's amazing and suddenly my world is looking up.

Holidays are here.  Hanging out with family and friends.  Reading.  Watching. Gaming. Hunting for a house.  Oh and of course...Writing my novel ;)

I've been having vivid nightmares lately that I could write stories about...one of them was almost a full story.  The first nightmare I had was about me still living at home, and one day my mum took away my keys and locked me out of the house and didn't want to be my mum anymore...that was very *weird*...but weirder still was the one I had last night.  I dreamt that the black notebook that I carry around had secrets that led to me being thrown in prison for execution.  I must be really stressed out.

Last night I dreamt I went to Manderlay again...

When a young woman marries Maxim de Winter and becomes the second mistress to Manderlay she feels she has to compete with her husband's beautiful first wife, Rebecca who mysteriously drowned.  Then there is the housekeeper, Mrs Danvers who worships Rebecca and hates anyone that takes her place...

Hitchcock & Selznick's adaptation of Daphne Du Maurier's suspenseful gothic romance, Rebecca, is a haunting and gripping one.  Joan Fontaine as the unsure second Mrs de Winter, Laurence Olivier as the brooding Maxim and Judith Anderson as the spectral Mrs Danvers are all superb in their roles.

Watch out for Mrs Danvers...Even after finishing the movie, I had to turn around as I walked down a long, dark hallway, thinking she was there...Truly one of the most scariest characters I have ever come across!

These days - the stars seem out of reach

These days - there ain't a ladder on the streets

These days are fast, nothing lasts

There ain't no time to waste

There ain't nobody left to take the blame

There ain't nobody left but us

These days...

- Bon Jovi

I have been listening to Bon Jovi's new album: Have a Nice Day.  It's a fantastic album, full of rock soul.  Sorry, I am on a Bon Jovi lyric roll but I have to post these lyrics...It's always nice when you come across a good pick me up song, so here it is - hope it picks you up and why don't you get the album for yourself? :)

Maybe we're all different but we're still the same

We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins

I know sometimes it's hard for you to see

You're caught between just who you are and who you want to be

If you feel alone and lost and need a friend

Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end

Chorus:

Welcome to wherever you are

This is your life; you made it this far

Welcome, you got to believe

That right here, right now

You're exactly where you're supposed to be

Welcome to wherever you are

When everybody's in and you're left out

And you feel you're drowning in the shadow of a doubt

Everyone's a miracle in their own way

Just listen to yourself, not what other people say

When it seems you're lost, alone and feelin' down

Remember, everybody's different; just take a look around

Chorus

Be who you want to be

Be who you are

Everyone's a hero

Everyone's a star

When you want to give up and your heart's about to break

Remember that you're perfect; God makes no mistakes

Chorus

- Welcome To Where You Are, Bon Jovi 

P.S Sorry, Mandy, if I beat you to posting these lyrics ;)

Lost in Translation is a film that resonated deep with me.  So thanx, Dan, for all your hype ;)

It is essentially about two lost souls who connect in a foreign country. 

Who doesn't feel lost in translation sometimes? I know I do.  Even in my own country, surrounded by my own language.  One can still not understand, or be understood.  One can drift alone while the world passes us by.  And wonder, where am I going? What am I supposed to be?

In the end, we all stand alone, but there are times when our path will be intersected by someone in tune with your soul.  Connections are made.  Sometimes connections are broken.

But you are changed.  These moments stay with you forever.

The world makes a little more sense and you don't feel as lonely anymore.

What an amazing night! I'm still recovering as I'm sure Mel is too, from what I can only describe as the biggest party ever!

My sister, Vanessa, her boyfriend, Tamir, Mel and I went to Black Eyed Peas concert at Rod Laver Arena last night.  They totally rocked the house and got us rockin' with them! The crowd was phenomenal.  I have never seen an audience so engaged.  Everyone was on their feet, screaming, dancing and singing to the point where we were drowning out the group with our singing! BEP loved it though.  Fergie would often give up on singing and just point the mike at us :)

BEP performed all their hits plus more and each member even did their own solo act.  My favourite of course was Fergie with her fantastic voice! There was some great freestyle rap from the guys and acrobatics and dancing across the entire group.

I loved every second of the concert, but I think my own heart felt moment was when BEP told us that Australia had a special place in their heart because Australia was the first country they were successful in, so they wanted to return their love...and they sang Where is the Love? We, the audience swelled with the singing of this song and Will asked us to turn all our mobiles on.  It was a beautiful sea of waving mobile lights! 

Other highlights of course were Shut Up, Pump It, Don't Phunk With My Heart, Let's Get Started, Hey Mama, Don't Lie and my personal fave: My Humps!

We were all a part of a rockin' party and the Black Eyed Peas were the ultimate hosts.

What a thrilling night.

When I think of getting a dog, there's so many gorgeous ones to choose from...I think of Siberian Huskies, Pugs, Welsh Corgis and Beagles...but I think my most favourite is the Samoyed.  I've seen a few around and I just wish I had one...They're so beautiful...

Happy Birthday Jan! :D

Today is my husband's birthday...One of the presents I gave him was a huge tool box - in the hopes that he'll become a little more organised.  But you know what he says when he gets it? Now I just have to find my tools because I don't know where most of them are! *Shakes head*...He's a cutie though.

Soon it will be my birthday and then our 3rd year anniversary.  October is a huge month for us, but this October is even more special because we have finally found a house...We are seeing it for the 3rd time later today and then will make an offer.  The house is in Vermont South - only 3 years old and stunningly immaculate.  It is sleek and modern - all the little details have been taken care of.  It is so perfect we don't intend to change a thing! Everything has already been done...It is two-storey with 3 bedrooms on the second floor and study downstairs with a huge open plan living area.  High ceilings, studio lights, feature walls, polished ashwood floors...The garden areas are low maintenance...I have plans of putting a water feature and little japanese garden corner where I can chill out....Ah, with all these exciting thoughts, do you think I'm getting any work done?!

Our dream house is just around the corner...*sighs happily*

I will post photos soon - if we do get it...

Who watches Australian Idol?

I'm thinking of not voting anymore...because it's just one BIG FAT popularity contest.  Based on last night's performances, Roxane was one of the better ones, so she sure did not deserve to be in the bottom 3! The other two that ended up in the bottom 3 were Milly and Daniel, and their performances were cringingly horrendous! One of the two deserved to go...not Roxane!

Poor Roxy, she deserved better than this from the Australian public. 

We got the house! :D

Sorry for the small pictures...I fiddled with them for nearly an hour...But you get the idea :p

It's a 60 day settlement so we move in December.  Can't wait...Until then, there's tafe to finish and lots of packing to do!

I want to thank all our friends who prayed for us...This is a dream come true.  We are now proud home owners.  I can finally sleep peacefully knowing that we have some security in our lives after renting for 4 years and having the house sold under us everytime...

I really thank God! :D 

Who believes that Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes' relationship is real? And how do you explain this sudden pregnancy? Did Katie get knocked up by someone else and Tom is claiming the child?

For starters, isn't Tom sterile...

i say let me never be complete
i say may i never be content
i say deliver me from swedish furniture
i say deliver me from clever art
i say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth
i say you have to give up
i say evolve, and let the chips
fall where they may

- This is Your Life, Fight Club

Sometimes it's better to shut yourself away and harden your heart.

Deliver me from caring too much...I only end up killing myself, a little bit at a time.

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com. I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following  addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
Connected...but sender was rejected.
Remote host said: 451 Mail from this IP address blocked due to DNS block list.
I'm not going to try again; this message has been in the queue too long.

I got this email...and I'm scared that the person I sent an email to has personally blocked me.  I don't think I can handle that...

Nothing will distract the novel writing like some good music - John Legend, that is.  What a cool cat.  I can't get enough of his album.  I'm lovin' Alright.  I also got Frou Frou's Details album.  If you like chill paired with the angelic voice of Imogen Heap and great melodies - then get it! :D

What lies beyond your stitched smile?

What do you keep secret in your silence?

Your eyes catch the sun, moon and stars.

The feather down of your wings carry me there.

Away from the tears that lie in your cotton heart.

Only in dreams does it beat for me.

Does anyone out there write horror? My novel has a bit of horror and I scare myself silly just writing it.  I already have a vivid enough imagination that can keep me awake or sharply turning my head to catch what the tail of my eye saw in a split second.

You wonder how Stephen King can write all the horror that he has and not get scared.  But he says that he's desensitised to it.  He's had too many shocks to last a lifetime, so it doesn't bother him.

Still I think I would have nightmares if my main genre was horror.

To cook a tasty and succulent piece of writing - let the ideas marinate for a while, turning over frequently in the mind so fully coated.

Ok...Writing makes me hungry...Gotta eat something :p

Ah yes...Our trusty Michelin man as a baby.  I remember being a baby like that...hehe...all those rolls...And they're coming back! *gasp* *horror* :|

There's so much I could say, but I don't.

Amongst the silence, there's a pen that's writing.  Writing out the horror and the heartbreak, the weakness and the pain.

Why do I live like this? Why do I try so hard? Why do I care so much?

The questions that aren't answered and yet I keep on doing it.

They say that God keeps on teaching you the same lesson over and over again until you learn it.  There are some lessons I'm too stubborn to learn.  I don't want to learn them because of the pain.  But they keep on haunting me.

If only I could let go and stop hanging on for grim death.  If only I felt like I was worth more than this and others would back me up.

I don't explode. 

I implode.

And it seeps through my system like poison.

Hey Peoples! Just got back from my birthday weekend.  Saturday Jan and I went to Knox for lunch and then shopped around a little bit, including looking at things we're going to get for our house (plasma TV, big fridge, slick kitchen stovetop etc. - all the stuff we need! ;)

Then Jan brought me to the Dandenongs where he had booked a cute cottage that looked out to the cool green forests.  It was nice just to sit and listen to the warbling birds and the laughter of the kookaburras!  For dinner we went to a nice tavern and stuffed ourselves silly with a huge platter of seafood, cheeses, pates and dips and then our mains - I had herb crusted pork.  I can tell ya we rolled back to the cottage and I was fit to explode!

Today we strolled around Sassafras.   I love all the the cute shops there - lots of antiques, arts and crafts.  I bought two oil paintings - one of a cafe in South of France for us, and the other of the italian riviera for a friend.  Then we went to Brother Jon's for yummy scones!

Now we're home...I don't feel older or wiser...but extremely spoilt! I will also be getting lotsa birthday money to go on a shopping spree! Yay! :D

Thanks to my extended family - Ann & Leon for my sparkly birthday cake!

And to my family and friends for your birthday wishes :)

Vanessa and Tamir brought Jan, Fiona and I out for a birthday dinner tonight.  We went to a nice place called Sugos and I had the most filling lasagna ever...It was very yummy, but I couldn't finish it.  I was seriously popping! Vanessa gave me Peter Alexander summer PJs - they're gorgeous! Thanx Vanessa! *Hugs*

Fiona gave me a a beautiful book: Peanuts Guide to Life.  One of my favourite quotes from it:

Life is like an icecream cone...you have to learn to lick it

- Charlie Brown

Dan gave me a little dvd with 3 Pingu episodes! Haha...*Cute*!

Thanx Fiona and Dan! *Hugs*

Last but not least my mum made me a rabbit that holds plastic bags hehe...a silk nightie and DKNY perfume - smells divine!

Thanx mum! *Hugs* :D

I'm mega spoilt by my family and so full of lasagna *groans*...:|

After reading redhat 's blog, I thought I'd do a clean up of my network as well.  There have been people on it who have been silent for ages and I don't really like having ghosts ;)...

Anyway, I need more people on my network! Who should I add? 

If you think you'd like to be on my network, let me know...I'll treat ya well - haha...:)

Remember the days when you used to actually write letters and send them? When the advent of email, snail mail is getting rare - for me anyway. 

When I was 15, I started the whole penpal craze.  I found a penpal in Germany, Gabriela, and once we started writing to each other, we became really close.  Every letter I got from her brightened my day.  She'd always remember my birthday and send me cards and presents in Easter and Christmas as well.  She is my 2nd oldest friend...Can you believe that? I don't like to think of all the friends who drifted away or didn't last up till now.  Anyway, as I was sorting through the stuff in my room, I came across the last letter I got from her in June 2004.

I sent her an email hoping that I haven't lost contact with her.  I have two of her email addresses...One doesn't work, I pray the other one will.  If not, I will write her a proper letter! Cross your fingers for me.  I don't want to lose her too. 

I feel sedated and numb.  Better than the wave that makes my heart thud and my stomach all queasy.

Goodbye is a hard word to say especially when your heart can't even say it...

I indulged in some retail therapy today to pick myself up a little.   It helped :)

I got some DVDs including Batman Begins -  I haven't seen the movie but I'm a Batman fan and I trust it'll be good.

Then after about an hour in the bookshop, I bought these books:

The Penultimate Peril - Lemony Snicket

The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

Pomegranate Soup - Marsha Mehran

The Food of Love - Anthony Capella

The last two books are foodie books.  This is what happens when you're hungry, but I love books about food! :)

Oh what a beautiful morning

Oh what a beautiful day

I've got a beautiful feeling

Everything's going my way...

NOT :|

Gale force winds out there.  They'll blow me away and chuck me over the rainbow.  There I will meet happy little people and get to kill those witches in my life.  And there will be someone who can answer my question: WHY?

So this doesn't make sense.  My empty stomach is talking here.  I need my breakfast.

I've been reading Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones - an amazingly beautiful book.  It's told from the point of view of a 14-year-old girl who is murdered and watches the lives of her family and murderer from her own heaven.

I found her descriptions of heaven, very sweet and poignant.  Her heaven is a school that doesn't have teachers, with her favourite classes and there is an icecream shop nearby and all kinds of dogs.

What would your heaven look like?

I got a beautiful and very heartwarming surprise today from my girl, Jade (starrynite) .  She sent me a birthday present.  It was so nicely wrapped I didn't even want to open it! And then I did...and found a box full of stars with a little box that had two turtles and a bear...and a lovely birthday card.  I had to rewrap everything and put it back into its place because it was so beautifully arranged...

Man...I'm so touched.  I know Jade has been struggling lately and yet she thought of me...

On this note, I'd like to thank my friends: Jarrod, Matty, Martyn, Sarah and Scott for your presents :)

Aw, but Jade girl, I love you so much! *THANK YOU!* :D...I know this box will be like my happy box to open when I'm feeling down...It means so much to me - and now I have your address...hehehehe...wait for something in the mail soon! ;)

Ever get those days when there's lots to do but you are not motivated to do anything? It reminds me of the time I was in hospital for two weeks.  I was so bored I slept at about 8pm each night and woke around 5am.  I'm not tired though, and there's no way I'll waste my time sleeping...I think I'll read :) I like looking at all the new books I have...I can imagine that I'm in a bookstore except all those books are mine!

*Goes off to feast her restless mind on other words not so pointless as these* :|

It's been some time since I've written a proper blog.  I guess my mind has been occupied with our new house and moving.  So these are the highlights:

aquarium

Matt had never been to the Melbourne Aquarium, so when I found out, we had to go! After a yummy lunch of fish and chips (yes, all in anticipation of seeing fish I guess ;)) and mini pavlova in Southgate, we went to the Aquarium.  I'd been there three times before, but it's always a magical place.  I could watch the brilliant coloured fish swim for hours - it's so soothing and relaxing.  Then there's the seahorses and starfish that tickle your hand when you pick them up, the intricate jellyfish - pulsing and undulating orbs with gossamer thin tentacles that tangle up with each other.  We saw a pair that were getting very tangled up, drawing closer and closer to each other...Matt said: Maybe we are watching something we shouldn't be watching - so we moved on.  The last and most exciting stop is always the huge aquarium at the end where there are massive sharks and my favourite - the Manta Rays.  They fly through the water with such grace, a wonder to behold.  I found out that there are some Rays that can actually fly in the sky! Truly amazing creatures.  I am always overwhelmed by them. 

shopping

Jan and I have been looking and shopping for stuff for our new house.  So far we have bought a Panasonic 50 inch Plasma TV (I so cannot wait to watch movies and play games on that baby!), a sofa set in muleskin colour, a coffee table in chocolate and matching buffet with frosted glass doors, an entertainment unit, another shelf for my books, and an extension for my desk.  They will all be delivered once we move in to our new place in December.  We will buy more stuff later when we are sure of how things will fit.

Since we'll be busy once we move and then having to set up etc. I've also started my christmas shopping early.  It's hard work trying to find the perfect present for everybody.  I'm quite particular about this so it takes me bloody ages!

packing

I started packing a few things yesterday.  All my video games went into one and a half boxes! I look at all my books and groan...I think this time I will be needing at least 30 boxes for them.

dvds

I have been consumed with the task of replacing all my videos with dvds.  I have given away nearly all of my original videos to friends and family who have pounced on them quite eagerly.  I've bought quite a few dvds off ebay and imported a few in from the US.  Many shipments of dvds are making their way to my house already :)

tafe

Tafe is drawing to an end on November 17.  I quit my Desktop Publishing class because I couldn't stand my teacher any longer.  A condescending dick with too much sideburns and a huge grin even when he tells people off.  Now it's just Popular Fiction and Novel 2 with Gary. 

Anyway, it's sad when I think of tafe coming to an end.  It's been one of the happiest times of my life, especially making other writer friends who I've become quite close to.  I am determined that tafe is not the end for us though and it was one of the main reasons I am forming a writer's group for next year where we'll meet fortnightly to support and give feedback on our writing.  I'm hoping it will be successful.  There are about 16 people interested but not sure how many will be regular.  There are sure to be drop outs.  I have been stressing the importance of committment and support.  Without that, the group will fall apart.

On another note, Gary told us that the government funds non-fiction subjects $1.35 per hour whereas fiction subjects such as Novel are only funded at 95c per hour.  He reckons in 5 years time all creative writing subjects will be phased out and only available at university.  I have a friend doing a writing course at university.  She hates it, says it's very theoretical and she barely gets to write anything.  The fact that the only subject she likes is linguistics tells you a lot about the course.  That makes me angry because they believe just because a subject isn't 'vocational', they are not important.  It reminds me of other subjects like literature and art that have been cut from some school's curriculums.  Come on...what would the world be like without art...?

summer

Summer is here.  I like it when it's in the 20s...once it reaches the 30s I get quite uncomfortable.  I've always liked winter more purely because you can control it by throwing on a jumper.  In summer, you cannot run around naked and even then, you're still hot!

My best memories have always been in summer though...or maybe that's because good memories are always golden.

God's will

I believe that God has a unique plan for all of us - it's not detailed though and there's a lot of broad choice within clear boundaries.  Last night our pastor, Mark, talked about this.  I've always struggled with what I am supposed to do in my life.  God gave me clear indicators with my writing - my novel and this writing course, but once the course is over...then what? I must trust in the Holy Spirit to guide me and listen hard to where God is pointing me next!

Anyway...

I hope this long blog has made up for my lack of blogging.  There's other things, but I'm hungry...

Have a fantastic day! :)

I was wandering the official Arnold Schwarzenegger website and came across his filmography.  I have seen most of his movies - who hasn't?

Arnie has a personal comment for each movie, some of them are crack ups:

The Terminator

It was fun to play the bad guy. Jim (Cameron) used to talk about how, deep down, we'd all like to be The Terminator for at least two minutes. We'd all like to be able to do the things he can do and be able to get away with it. I mean, maybe I could break down a door... but I probably wouldn't get away with it.

Red Sonja

Now, when my kids get out of line, they're sent to their room and forced to watch Red Sonja ten times. I never have too much trouble with them.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

I take a real beating in the new film. Robert Patrick (the T-1000) is much more threatening and dangerous as the new Terminator. You see, the producers realized that I'm far too good looking-no camera can take all these good looks-so what they have to do beat me up, put all these appliances and terrible makeup on my face to tone down how handsome I am.

I got to see enormous ducks

I got to see clucky chickens and a crowing rooster

I got to see a baby chick

I got to see beautiful galahs

I got to see some fat rats

I got to see a cute ferret

I got to see some guinea pigs and a rabbit

I got to see the renovations in her home

I got to see Donnie Darko (hmmm...interesting)

I got to see Vegietales! (always good!)

I got to see lots of motorbikes

But I did not get to see Naomi's bedroom! Damnit!

Ah well, the duck eggs made up for it...*this time only* ;)

Had fun at your place Naomi! And thanx for my christmas present! :D

Oh my big toe hurts so much I wanna cut it off! But if I did that I wouldn't be able to walk huh? Damn this toe...It's so crippling that I have been quite housebound as a fair walk anywhere will bring on the pain :|

It all started when I wore these new shoes that are tapered at the top, quite tight on the toes.  About a week after wearing them in, my toe started to complain and has been complaining for nearly a month.  I've been to see the doctor and she said I cut my nail too short as well, but where my toe hurts, is not where the nail would cover...Anyway, I think I'll see her again today.

19 days until we move into our new place! I'm very excited but there's still a phenomenal amount of packing to do.  I've only packed some of my dvds and sorted out 'the box room' where I dumped a lot of boxes (some unopened) the first time we moved into this current house.

I have only one more class of tafe, Popular Fiction this Wednesday...then that's it for the year.  I'm coming back next year to do one class: Myths & Symbols and a fortnightly writer's group.  I don't know what else I'll be doing next year...but that's at least something! I'll figure out the rest later...

What else have I been up to...Um...On Friday went to Knox with Matt.  We had tasty tappas and raspberry cheesecake at Bar Bosh then we went to JB to find all those dvds I want...Found that most of them are cheaper online.  However I still bought a few dvds...Seasons 4-8 of Stargate at $50 each! - and CSI (Season 3).

Friday night had a girls' nite with my life group - got to know the girls better and played Singstar!  That's always a fun game to play.  I like singing and don't do too badly ;) Naomi did really well considering she also had a cough - Good on ya! :D

I finished reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold.  It's one of those books I held in my hand for a while afterwards...So highly recommended!

Tonight it's Peking Duck at my mum's place...Oh yum yum yum...I can't wait!

I've worn glasses since I was in grade 5, about 10 years old? I still remember that embarrassing day when my teacher, Dr Williams asked me to read from the blackboard and I couldn't.  When I got my glasses, I felt ugly especially when I found out the boy I liked - who liked me back, went off me because of them.

However, my husband-to-be met me when I had my glasses as well as braces and thought me beautiful, so that made up for it :p  

Besides that - The day I got contacts was a happy day.

Today I had to order more pairs of contacts (I use disposables) and because I hadn't had an eye test since 2003, I had to have a full one.  I sat in the chair and looked at the big poster with questions like:

Do you spend a lot of time on the computer?

YES

Do you sit with your nose to the screen?

OK...no

Is your face constantly buried in a book?

YES

I had really avoided getting an eye test done because I was afraid my prescription had gotten worse.  But the optometrist assured me I was doing well and at the end of a long session including bright lights, eyelids peeled back to inspect the skin and orange liquid squirted in my eyes, I was told my prescription had only very slightly changed! *Phew!* After two years, I musn't be doing too badly!

P.S I got some antibiotics for my toe which is actually a lot better today.  Last night was a killer though.  I couldn't sleep because of the blinding pain and had to down a few Mersyndols which gradually eased it.

P.P.S Peking Duck is so yummy!

The class of 2005 has ended.  We had our awards' event tonight! Congratulations to Jarrod for winning both first year student overall and technical writing student of the year.  Congratulations to Mandy for winning the award for best practical placement.  Congratulations to Martyn for popular fiction student of the year.  And yay for me for winning Novel 2 student of the year...Geez, I'm so fantastic ;)

But you know what, ALL my friends are winners.

These are the champions: Cemil, Dave, Jarrod, Mandy, Martyn, Mel, Naomi, Sarah and Scott.  They all deserve the greatest of prizes because of the unique, creative and wonderful individuals they are.  They have filled my heart to overflowing with their love, friendship and support.

In a world where we struggle to belong, I have found my niche with them.  And I feel proud to be a writer amongst these exceptional writers.

I love all you guys.  You inspire me!  Thanks for everything and...see you soon :) 

You are Eliza Bennett from Pride and
Prejudice! Yay, you! Perhaps the
brightest and best character in all of English
literature, you are intelligent, lively,
lovely-- in short, you are the best of company.
Your only foibles are that you stick with your
first impressions... and your family is quite
intolerable.

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Wow...that's a surprise :p 

Jan and I just got back from a night in the city.  We stayed at the Stamford and ate dinner at Bistro 1, a real swanky place that cost us over $100 for entrees and main meals.  It was lovely gourmet food but the kind that doesn't really fill you up - so later on we ordered some room service :)

The highlight of the night though was the broadway musical of The Lion King at The Regent Theatre.  We were open-mouthed and enthralled at the performance that totally immersed you in its vivid colours, elaborate costumes, set design and awe-inspiring african chants that swelled to capture your heart.  I think the puppets really stole the show in the end.  What a creative genius who came up with the hybrids of human/animal, human/plant.  It was so excitingly beautiful.  The characters, particularly Scar were very similar to the movie which was great to see, but the musical itself was a wonderful and different adaptation of the movie with additional songs that were just as good as the original.

See it if you can! :D

The Corpse Bride was a very sweet and touching fairytale.  Saw it today with Jarrod, Naomi, Sarah and Scott.  Had lots of fun before - shopping! I specifically went to Chaddy to do the last of my christmas shopping, but of course also did a bit of shopping for myself - another pair of Birkenstocks, Seinfeld Seasons 5 & 6 Boxsets, War of the Worlds DVD, Madonna's Confessions on the Dancefloor (I love it! Groovin!), a few tops for Jan and something else I'm battling about whether to keep or give to someone for christmas...I can't talk specifics cuz the person reads my blogs...But let's just say it's very purdy...And I like it myself, but then I think this person would like it too...But would this person appreciate it as much as I do?! Hmmm...That is the question.  I am very tempted to keep it myself and get this person something else...

Anyway, we had fun shopping.  Jarrod got some clothes and Scott finally got a DS Mario Kart bundle! Yay! Another one joins the DS club.  I finally have a friend I can play with! :D

My dreams are made of boxes.  They crowd my mind.  They crowd the house.  But each box we pack brings us closer and closer to the day when we move into our new house! Six days away!

We did a final inspection of the house today while the previous owners moved out.  It was great talking to one of them about the house.  He told us stories about how the house was built, the lengths taken to build such a house and the compliments they're still receiving.  For the three years they've lived there people still knock on their door to ask about it! So he said to expect plenty of compliments! :p

This house is amazing though.  The previous owners really did think of everything and more.  When we move in we will literally have to do nothing because it's all been done.  We found out today the house has a monitored security system and automatic sprinklers in the gardens.  Bonus!

The view is great too.  We were told this story about the guy next door who had positioned his spa room for these views, but then our house was built in front, so you bet he was annoyed! hehe

We plan to take our telescope onto the master bedroom's balcony and do some stargazing.  We're gonna have so much fun! Can't wait!

Chef Luis will show you how to cook and he's only six years old! You can view his adorable cooking classes here:

http://www.nickjr.com.au/site/cookingWithLuis.asp

I am so exhausted.  Haven't been this tired for a while.  It's all this damn packing.  You guys who have seen my place and the amount of stuff we've got...well imagine packing it - BY YOURSELF! Yeah...Jan, the lazy ass procrastinator has left it to the last minute so he has his own stuff to deal with and he's packing at a snail's pace.  I heard him playing with a metronome (sp) for at least 20 minutes.  What in the hell is he doing?! Every so often I will go and yell at him to PACK! And he replies...NAG!

Arrgh...Bet ya anything he will be up at the wee hours of the morn before we move and cuz I'm such a light sleeper, I'm not going to get any sleep either! :|

Moving is hell on earth! As many of you might already know, it's second only to divorce as the most stressful thing a human can do.

Believe me, I'm psyched that we're moving to our own place and from there we won't move for a while which will be such a change from the nomadic life we've been leading where we've moved every year.

However, I wish this endless packing would end...Don't you wish you could skip or fast forward through these things?

When we get to our new place we won't have a phoneline or internet access until at least the end of next week thanks to Optus and their screw ups.  What will I do without the internet?! Matt says it's a good chance to sort out the house and catch up on my anime...Yeah maybe.

Anyway that's my rant for ya.  Off to yell at Jan now and get some sleep.

P.S Suggested tags: fudge packing...oh hell yeah - Gotta love Mindsay...I will miss it when I have no internet access *sobs*

Before I leave Mindsay for a little while I thought I'd post something sweet that my sister sent me to give ya lots of warm fuzzies! :D  I won't be gone long, but I will miss Mindsay.  This is a wonderful community and I thank you for all your comments and even just being my visiting Hansel or Gretel :)

Thank you most of all for your friendship.

The Hippo and the Tortoise 
Tsunami Survivors

NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said.

    The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean , then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.

    "It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park , told AFP.

    "After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together," the ecologist added. "The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother," Kahumbu added.

    "The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years," he explained.

Till I see you guys again, take care and *HAPPY BLOGGING*!

Kisses & Hugs,

Froggy Jestar ! xo

Hey Guys, I'm back! :)

Packing and moving was exhausting but luckily we had friends to help us and two great movers who took care of our things and were happy to do anything for us.  We started moving on 3rd of December at 9am.  We finished at 7pm.  Jan finished moving all his stuff over on the 7th of December just one hour shy from having to hand back the keys to the rental agency.

I am still in the midst of unpacking which I think is the hardest.  It takes time to figure out exactly where you want to put everything.  It took about 3 days figuring out the kitchen and our master bed isn't totally worked out yet but the main things we use are out - otherwise it's living out of boxes!

We have received most of the furniture we ordered including our huge 50 inch plasma tv.  It's so huge that it might be best to watch from the kitchen which is all the way at the back of the house! We love it! :p 

I am annoyed that I have to use a credenza as my desk which took Jan and I four hours to assemble starting midnight the other night because the stupid lady at Freedom who served us ordered the wrong desk so I have to wait 2 more weeks for the right one! Also I bought an extra shelf that of course wasn't enough for the multitude of books I have (think 34 boxes) so my dreams of being able to display and actually SEE all my books are shot.  However, I've found this cool book catalogue on the net: www.librarything.com where I have been eagerly adding all my books and checking them out in my 'graphical library'.  It's very cool! That way I can keep a track of all the books I have - and those I haven't read which is quite a few.

It hasn't hit me that this is our house.  We have become so used to renting that I keep on thinking we still are and sooner or later there will be an agent on our doorstep with a bunch of strangers to show them through the house as every house we've rented has been sold.  I tell ya it was a happy time when I was able to delete 'rent money' from our finances.

It's beautiful here.  I love everything about our house...The newness, the modern lines, the well established garden (I better hire a full-time gardener), the rooms - from our balcony you can see the Dandenong ranges through the trees.

Everyday I wake up, I thank God for this wonderful blessing of our own home that is so lovely.  I thank God that we won't have to move for say...another ten years?! We're finally staying put and nobody can kick us out! No more bitchy agents.  No more paranoia and anxiety of having to leave.  No more paying rent! YAY! :D

I haven't written in a while because even though I'm enjoying the newness of our own home and setting it up - it might sound boring to recount ;)  I've sorted out more, set up more.  All my books are on the shelves, the sound system is up and running (and sounding awesome!), my consoles and controllers are connected and ready for a playfest.  The house is looking more spacious as the boxes are cleared.

There's a gardener coming on Thursday to start regular maintenance of the gardens so they keep on looking immaculate.  The lawns are weed free and I want to keep them that way! Although there are already a few plants and flowers, the gardener suggested some more for colour - so I thought Birds of Paradise flowers would look great!

There's so much I want to get for the house...a bigger fridge is the top priority and I already have researched and found one.  Our house doesn't have a doorbell, so we're going to get an intercom system installed - maybe even one with video so I can check the attire of the individual before deciding to let him/her in...just kidding :p

I got Season 1 of Desperate Housewives on dvd a while ago so I'm watching that as well as House which I also got on dvd.  Medical procedures irk me.  I still remember watching this movie where this woman couldn't breathe, so someone got a stick and shoved it into her throat to make a hole.  I almost fainted.  The first episode of House was the same throat procedure except they cut her throat open and shoved a pump into it - I almost fainted then too.  But it looked like such a good show and everyone goes on about it that I had to keep on watching and the following episodes haven't been that bad :)

I've also been reading The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan.  This is one of those books I bought ages ago and have only started reading.  It's a good book! 

Christmas is just around the corner...luckily I finished my christmas shopping weeks and weeks ago.  I just have to wrap the presents :) Mum was suggesting Kris Kringle or Secret Santa today because she wants to either save money or is too stressed to figure out what everyone wants - I think it's more the latter.  She told me about a friend of the family who did this White Elephant thing where if you didn't like your present you could swap with someone else and you played games to get the present? Hmm...Well it's too late, I've already bought christmas presents for everybody! Mum suggested to do it next year...

Well that's my life up to this point.  Hope you're having a good one and hope that I didn't bore you too much :)

The other day my mum and my sister, Fiona came over.  Mum was talking about Yi-Ling, who used to be my best friend back in primary school.  She is pregnant with her second child.  Mum gave me a sly look and said You're a bit late... Well Yi got married two years before I did to a much older husband who needs to have kids right now! Anyway, Yi always beat me in everything at school whether it was a running race, a better drawing or getting married first and having kids.  But it doesn't bother me.  I'm not in competition with her anymore ;) In fact when mum mentioned her name, I had totally forgotten about her and thought mum was talking about someone else with the same name - Yee-Ling - another girl who used to be my friend back in primary school as well.  She used to follow me everywhere.  The friendship ended when she followed me into the toilets...But that's another story :p

Well mum was talking about Yi's mother and how she dotes on Yi and spends more time with her than her other two sisters.  Her older sister Po is getting jealous of the attention.  She had a baby not long ago and her mother only spent a few weeks with her and yet spent months with Yi.

I said: It's because Yi is the favourite one.

And Fiona said: Yeah, like Vanessa is.

My mum immediately said: No, you're all the same to me.  It's just that Vanessa is more open.  When you were in school, you'd both come home and go to your rooms.  Vanessa would come to the kitchen and look for food. Haha...Vanessa has always loved her food.  Come to think of it Yi loved her food too.  Could it be that that determines the favourite in a family especially when asians are all about the food? Hehe

Anyway, I believe that every parent has their favourite kid. 

Maybe that's why I'm so insecure and seek favouritism elsewhere...But we won't go there either...:p

Are you the favourite of the family, or if you have kids, do you favour one over the other?

P.S For some reason I can't access the Mindsay live page.  Is anyone else having this problem?

Thanks to Sarah's Christmas party last night I got to catch up with friends I haven't seen in a while since tafe finished for the year.  It was wonderful to see everyone again - Sarah, Scott, Naomi, Mel and Jarrod.  The christmas lights winked above us and I just basked in the warmth of my friends' laughter.  We all sat pressed close together in a huddle.  It was like an embrace that I didn't want to leave.

My road has been foggy for a long time and the light only shines a foot in front of me.  I often wonder, I often regret things I should have done, things I shouldn't have done.  But I think all those turns in the road led me here to this place, amongst my friends.  While my peers headed off into their careers and full time work,  I struggled with what I wanted to do.  Then I remembered my writing.  How important it was to me and I went for it...and started this writing course at Holmesglen Tafe.  Because of this writing course, my life has become all the more richer - it's led me to these beautiful souls.  Now every wrong turn has been made right.

Mel gave me a heart-felt present last night.  She spelled out my name with these lovely, sparkly letters and inscribed words to describe me for each letter, surrounded by other stickers and framed.  At home, I stared at it for a long time.  It sits on my makeshift desk (no not in one of my boxes, Mel!) - I call it Good for Esther's Ego.  

So, right back at ya Mel:

M - marvellous, mushroom-loving, magnaminous, magical, memorable, merry, masterpiece 

E  - effervescent, excitable, electric, encouraging, encore, enduring, engaging, extraordinary

L  - lovely, lifeboat, lion-hearted, livewire, loyal, luminous

O - optimistic, original

D - daring, dedicated, deep, determined, dragon, dreamy

Y - you're cute!

Sarah made me a gorgeous red crystal necklace and remembered to get me a birthday card...awwww.  Thanks Sarah! :D

Last night was great...

On another note, I read the short story Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx.  It was very impacting, utterly heartbreaking.  I'm looking forward to seeing the movie and hope that Ang Lee does it justice. 

P.S Last but not least, Thank you, Dave for your present and poem...It's good to have friends who are talented writers ;)